Category: being peace

Turn the stones to peace

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Sometimes, the various thoughts and messages I think I’d like to share feel rather like a swirling nebula, and the question is, where are the stars?! Where is that cloud of desires, feelings, ideas, and possibilities coalescing into a star, a message that’s like a unified point of light, shining bright and clear? Sometimes, these days, the intention, time, and energy required for star formation (as it were!) are beyond me …. but I do what I can to keep the creation spark alive!

And that’s why it’s a gift to rediscover stars – writings and poems from past years that hold the essence of a message that remains relevant to my heart, that speak light to my soul again, that could speak light out into the world, perhaps. I wanted to share one of those stars here, a poem I wrote in November 2017 – a time when my heart felt like it had somehow become full of stones, but I sure didn’t want to keep carrying them and so I desperately sought a healing, freeing practice.

The stones that the poem speaks of are stones that any of us could be carrying in our hearts for whatever reason – we’re human, and these stones, these feelings, these emotional, psychological, and spiritual experiences, are a part of our humanness. But there is a way to see more deeply into these things, to see them for what they are (and are not), and there is a way to set ourselves free, to “turn the stones to peace”. It might be that we need to “turn the stones to peace” over and over and over again, to set ourselves free over and over and over again. At least, this is true for me – I find I need to return to the practice, partly because I seem to be good at finding stones to carry again!

It can be intense, challenging, sometimes exhausting work, but also such healing and freeing work – what lightness and light it can bring, that we then carry with us, wherever we go and to whomever we meet.

And drawing the lens out further: What if this were not only an internal practice, but a communal practice that we learned (re-learned) to share and do together – and found peace, became free, together? To carry stones no more to our own hurt and others’ hurt, but turn them to peace, be free. Be free to be love to ourselves and one another.

Turn the stones to peace

These stones
I have carried in my heart
Resentment stones
Envy stones
Loneliness stones
Grief stones
Bitter stones
Sorrow stones
These stones
I have carried in my heart

I reach
inside
and I gather these stones
I hold them in my hands
rest them on my palms
lift my hands up
feel the weight of these stones
I see the stones
outside my heart
I see them for what they
are
emptiness
perception not whole
truth
As I see them
for what they
are
they fall into dust
and from the dust
transform into doves
who take wing

Robbed of their form
and their weight
given a whole
truth
stones become peace
my heart is light
I carry stones there
no more
I am free

True belonging, true calling

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Throughout this last year, true belonging, or belongingness, became a major theme.

Belongingness in the sense of finding the calling where I belonged – or in the sense of learning how to belong wherever I found myself, or how to belong to and in my calling wherever I found myself.

To learn how to belong wherever I was, in whatever situation I was in.

One of my life struggles has been feeling like I didn’t quite fit in anywhere, that I fit in a little bit in a lot of places, but not completely in any one place. That I belonged nowhere and everywhere, at the same time.

And it felt sometimes lonely. But, I’ve been learning that this feeling, this story need not be one of isolation, but one of liberation!

 “You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” Maya Angelou

That quote is found in Brene’ Brown’s new book, Braving the Wilderness, where she writes of true belonging and what she’s learned about what true belonging is.

As Brene’ states, true belonging is a deep spiritual practice of self-acceptance,  belonging to yourself in such a way that you can be who you are wherever you are – that you are able to present your authentic, imperfect self truly to the world. Even if that means sometimes you are standing alone in the wilderness, as it were, not conforming to the world. Even if it is not the easier path.

So, I’m learning that true belonging is about being … not about doing and not really about fitting in, but about being true and authentic to who I am wherever I am.

And the part of true belonging that’s about my calling? For me, that means understanding that my calling is not as much about doing or about being in a particular place or a certain occupation or job or belonging to any specific group or inner circle … it’s about belonging to my calling and being in my calling wherever I am.

So, when my belonging is rooted deep within, when my belonging is rooted in my being, when my belonging is rooted in being in my calling, then I will always belong … anywhere, everywhere.

Because my belonging is not dependent on place, person, or power. My belonging is in me … and so is yours in you!

And ultimately, my belonging is in Belovedness, in my belovedness …

** Below is ‘part 2’ of this post. I wrote it a while ago and realized it follows along so well with the first part of the post that I decided to put them together. So, a two posts for one kind of deal! Guess that’s what happens when there are no posts for so long! 🙂 **

I’ve always wanted to do big things. That is, I once thought I ‘should’ do big things. That I should be doing things, doing good, making differences,  being productive and accomplished – and yet I’ve struggled to feel like I was ‘doing’ much, or ‘doing’ enough.

All those people accomplishing great things. Realizing their potential. Helping people, changing the world in beautiful, remarkable, visible ways. I wanted to do and be like that, too – making a recognizable, beautiful, profound difference. A difference that felt tangible to me.

Was there pride in that? Of course there was pride in that – hello, ego! I wanted to be one of those people who made things happen, who was in charge of important projects, who was a driving force in deeply meaningful causes. And even if I wasn’t noticed or recognized, I really wanted to feel like I was a part of big things … and by big things, I mean BIG things!

I wanted to have a life’s work, a mission, a calling. I wanted to know what my mission was so I could be fulfilling  it. And I wanted it to be a great mission … one where I got things DONE, where I was DOING things, achieving things, helping people, helping people help themselves …

But now – I see a clearer vision of what my mission may more truly be.

I’ve come to understand that, for me, it is less about the DOING and more about the BEING. Yes, I’m still about the doing of good, and much – big things, small things, and all manner of things – does need doing. But for me, I think I understand that I’m not asked to do anything big or great. Neither am I asked to be great or to be acclaimed for anything …

I’m just being asked to BE. That’s all.

To be still and to BE …

 So, that life’s work? My mission? My calling?

In its purest essence, it is about being stillness, about being peace. About being stillness and being peace wherever I go, with whomever I am with, in whatever my work is.

Bringing and being a presence of peace, a calming, healing presence.

And it seems that maybe, just maybe, this is what I seem to be doing now … yes, that word, ‘doing’! I am doing ‘being’!

I am being stillness, being peace. (Or – at least – this is my purpose, even if not my consistent practice and presence, yet!) And I am learning to be at peace with this as my calling, however unacclaimed. It’s where I belong, where my belonging is.

And if what I do flows out of that, then it will be for good. Whatever I do, it will be done for good, for the greatest good.

And that’s really all I want to do … and isn’t it enough?

And isn’t that really what the world needs?

People being peace … and the doing of good, the doing of big and small things, flowing out of that peace.

Our peace inspires peace.

Being peace inspires peace.

Being peace

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

May there be peace, peace, peace. (Buddhist prayer)                                                                                                                     May I be in peace; may I be peace. (me)                   

I know the blog has been quiet recently, but my life has not been quiet! The end of the school year always seems to bring a flurry of activity, tying up loose ends, bringing things to a close, and setting the stage for transition from one grade to another, one season to another …

Speaking of transition, my oldest son, A, is moving on to middle school! This transition moves a swell of feelings and thoughts in my heart, too … and in his.

But, even though the kids’ school year is drawing to a close, mine is not! Mine remains a steady flow of discussion posts, reading assignments, and research papers … and the hope and the rush to have as much as possible done before the days and hours are less quiet than they are while four munchkins are away at school.

And in all this, deep blogging inspiration has not visited often either …

So, the blog has been sitting on a back burner … not a cold burner,  just a gentle warm mindful simmer!

Now, you might be wondering what connection the quotes at the beginning have to do with anything so far! Here it is: these words, these prayers and intentions of peace, have been simmering in my mind while I’ve been busy.

Sitting with me when I sit, walking with me where I walk, going with me where I go. Present with me when I am reading, when I am meditating, when I am conversing, when I am hurting.

Specifically, the word ‘peace,’ the prayer and desire and intention for peace and to be peace, has been a gentle murmuring stream in my heart and mind throughout the busy-ness of these days. I’ve been holding on to these peace prayers as an anchor and a balm for my soul.

Because not only has this been a season of busy-ness, it has been of late a season of new and deeper spiritual questions, opportunities, sacrifices, changes, and choices … a time of inner struggle, discovery, pruning, growth. A valley season, perhaps. And valley seasons can sometimes feel so unsettling, so anxiety-making!

But in this valley runs a river of peace. That gentle murmuring stream that has been flowing through my days, through me. Bringing strength, bringing power, bringing rest even in the busy-ness, in the struggles.

And as I have sat and sought quiet in the swirl and swarm of busy-ness, of questions with hard answers or no answers, of intense, big feelings, often I have only been able to focus my attention on these words:

May there be peace, peace, peace.                                                                                                                       May I be in peace; may I be peace.

But it has been enough. Enough to help bring me to a center of stillness, or close enough to a center of stillness. Enough to leave within me that gentle murmuring stream, an echo of peace, of belovedness.

Enough to bring me strength and remind me that I am beloved.

Enough to help me remember to water the seeds of happiness within, to nourish the seeds of joy.

Enough to help me be present enough in my life, present with others, present with peace.

Enough to help me be mindful, even imperfectly. Imperfect mindfulness is still mindfulness! And imperfect mindfulness is okay, is enough. Enough to make a difference of peace, a difference of perspective, a difference of vision.

I have been astounded every time I step outside and the world seems so beautiful and bright, colors so vivid and intense, light so pure and clear. The green grass so green, the sky so blue and so boundless. And my heart becomes still and smiles. And I think, with wonder and awe, how can this be? In the midst of the rush of busy-ness, of challenge and struggle, of swirling questions, of deep hurts, how can this be? This sense of calm, this gift of beauty?

But I think it is the flowing and the flowering of these words coming alive for me, in me:

May there be peace, peace, peace.                                                                                                                      May I be in peace; may I be peace.

*********

My dear friends, may you too be in peace, may you be peace, whatever is in this season of your life. It is possible for peace and busy-ness, peace and change, peace and struggle, peace and pain to be present together!

And as we make peace and being peace our intention, we can be peace, peace within our own lives and relationships, and we can be peace in and for a troubled world.