Category: communication

Presence/Poetry

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I haven’t forgotten I have a blog, nor have I forgotten the joy weaving words together brings me, but I have been seeking to discern where and how writing fits into this full to the brim season of my life – the career season, I guess! I still, and always will, consider writing as one of my first loves and one of my deepest callings. Sometimes, though, it’s been a neglected love, one that I needed to pick up from a shelf and dust off, rediscover anew. Or it’s a calling that’s gotten swamped amidst the multitude of other time and commitment choices I’ve made. Or it’s a gift I have too often left unopened or unshared …

I love the therapeutic work that I am engaged in, and it’s part of my life’s work, my calling – to listen, teach, serve, guide, counsel, be present, help people find the healing power within them – but writing has never stopped feeling as though it belongs in my life’s work too. The form and expression it takes just seems to keep evolving … and so the form it seems to be taking right now is journaling and poetry, putting my journaling into poem/prose form (free form, that is, free from any conventional style of rhythm and rhyme!). Somehow, poetry seems simpler to manage right now than a thought-piece or essay, too. And since I wrote multitudes of poems in my teens and twenties, returning to poem-form feels like coming home.

So, this blog offering is a poem drawn from more of my January retreat (at St. Benedict) journaling. A poem that feels like it weaves together the mosaic of intentions that shapes the deepest essence of  who and how I want to be in the work I do, the life I live … deep listening, loving speech, healing words, learning stillness, practicing the pause, holding presence, being present with Presence. Mindful speech, mindful silence.

These intentions are like vows – my ‘Presence in communication’ vows – vows that are sacred to me. And these are also vows offered to myself, my children, my friends, colleagues, clients, everyone I meet. I’m still only beginning to learn how to practice them and be them with mindful consistency across the many situations and interactions that come my way, but I am keeping them close at heart!

(And if you look in the wayback of my blog archives, I’ve carried these intentions, these vows – or they’ve carried me – for a while now, and they’ve only taken deeper root. They’re home, where they belong! I’m home in them …)

I think, too, that this poem just opened my eyes to something – that my calling is itself a mosaic, many parts of whole, as one! The intentions of belovedness and Presence hold this mosaic together.

Presence in Communication

The intention of my every day communication:
To carry silence with my communication,
to allow silence the place in my communication –
pauses before my words, rests while listening
whole listening
my own thoughts stilled
open to the silence behind the other’s words
the unspoken notes clear to my ear

My policy toward the spoken word:
Use only the words that are most necessary
With care, choose them well
Take a breath, take a sacred pause
better to enter into a space –
a space that allows the liberty to feel
into the right intent
from which the right words will
flow –
Right words will come
from the letting go of over-thinking
the search for them
surrendering into the flow
of Presence

Best of all, in all
tend presence, tend Presence
Presence speaks the best, says the most
and needs no words
to convey the meaning of love
to show another they are heard and known
If and when words fail –
for they do and will
accept this truth with grace –
If and when words fail –
remain present
With or without words
your presence is your
communication
of your essence

Deepen presence, deepen into it
become
intimate
with silence, stillness, sacred pauses, rests
deep listening
whole-soul listening not only to the words
but beyond the words
to the whole being of another

Listening with deep presence, quiet mind
from this well of deep Presence
mindful healing words
can be drawn to offer
like living water
But it is your presence still
that makes the water
of your words
Living

Radical inclusion

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

Thoughts about the concepts of radical inclusion and inclusiveness have been brewing in my brain for a while!

I’ve been part of a few conversations recently about how desirable a quality inclusiveness is in a person, in a leader, or in an institution, such as a church or government … and the circles grow wider out into society, into the world.

I’ve loved these conversations about inclusiveness, about radical inclusion, and I love that these ideas and practices seem so important to so many. I’ve observed also though that there seem to be varied ideas about what being inclusive or engaging in radical inclusion means to people. Different definitions, different visions, different expectations …

It seems like a good, deep conversation is needed to clarify just what we’re meaning if/when we talk about inclusiveness, about radical inclusion. But first perhaps some good, deep personal reflection is necessary, to be still and consider what those concepts mean to us, how we define them, how we would be willing to be inclusive or to practice a radical inclusion in our lives, the circles we’re a part of … workplace, family, church, organizations …

Just how inclusive is our inclusiveness? Just how ‘radical’ is our radical inclusion? Whom would we include?  And in what spirit would we include them?

I can’t answer those questions or define radical inclusion for anyone else but I want to share what it means to me, how I define it, what my vision of it is, how I want to live it …

First, there’s that word ‘radical.’ It sounds, well, radical, doesn’t it! It can seem militant, extreme, suspicious, drastic … but it also means profound, far-reaching, awe-inspiring, fundamental, essential. These are powerful words, aren’t they? Powerful words with depth. Words used to describe something powerful, transformational, revolutionary.

And that’s what radical inclusion is, what it offers in practice … something powerful, transformational, revolutionary.

Something powerfully inviting and compassionate. Radical inclusion as a compassionate invitation … a universal and universally compassionate invitation, into conversation and connection, into belonging.

In my vision, there are other ‘radical’ things that are part of the foundation of radical inclusion: self-acceptance, grace, compassion. Profound, far-reaching, awesome, fundamental, essential things. Things that are powerful, transformational, and revolutionary in themselves … but what makes them all those things, what makes grace radical, what makes compassion radical, is the depth and breadth and width to which they are expressed and lived.

That they aren’t just words or concepts or even practices … but lived Truths.

And self-acceptance …  radical in a spiritually transformational way! Because what it involves is meeting yourself where you are, as you are in the here and now, showing compassion and kindness toward yourself where you are, recognizing the imperfections and the suffering in yourself and loving yourself nonetheless, laying aside destructive self-judgments … an act of radical inclusion that begins with yourself, your soul!

A powerfully compassionate invitation to yourself … to love yourself as your own neighbor.

Where does, where can, this act of personal radical inclusion lead? It can lead into a place of healing, change, and growth, where you have the strength to let go of attachments you may need to let go of in order to heal and to love wholly …

It can lead into a deeper compassion and empathy, a broader understanding of grace, a wider view of acceptance, the ability to love wholly ….

It becomes the foundation of an ever-widening radical inclusion … to love every person as your neighbor, as you have learned to love yourself.

And so this vision of radical inclusion: Whom does it include? Who is, who should be, invited into the circle of radical inclusion?

Everyone! All of humanity. For who is not my neighbor? And are there any whom I should not love?

Maybe one vision sees a Jesus-like notion of radical inclusion that looks outward and sees the need to welcome the outcast, the homeless, the poor, the disenfranchised, the oppressed …

Maybe that vision extends to a progressive radical inclusion that is multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, that includes those of many races. Or respecting and honoring other faith traditions; an interfaith inclusion. Or welcoming and loving those of diverse sexual or gender identities, those who have been stigmatized, misunderstood, even reviled or shunned …

It seems that sometimes though a view of radical inclusion might form that actually includes a clause of exclusion, if you will – that those we’ve judged as having wrong views or values, we might exclude from our vision of inclusion. We might see them as not being worthy of welcoming, of radical inclusion … of love.

Radical inclusion includes letting go of those clauses of exclusion!

For who else does radical inclusion include? It includes those with whom we disagree, those who have differing views … it means letting go of attachments to political affiliations and religious ideologies. Not compromising soul-deep convictions and values, but yet loving our neighbor far above loving our own ideas and perspectives, and making such love a highest value!

And who is my neighbor? You are my neighbor. I am your neighbor. No matter our differences in any sense, no matter how different your life journey has been than mine, you are my neighbor and I am called to love you.

No matter how different your perspective on life, no matter how different your perceptions of the Ultimate truths about life, spirituality and sacredness, or your experience (or not) of the divine, you are my neighbor. And I am called to learn from you and to love you.

We meet where we are, as who we are, and listen to and love one another.

This is my definition, my vision, of radical inclusion. This is where I see so much hope of healing, of reconciliation, of unity!

We will always be different and diverse. But we can have diversity in unity; unity in diversity. And Love, belovedness, binding it together, bringing wholeness …

Let us extend that compassionate invitation into conversation and connection to all, to one another!

And through that powerful, transformational, revolutionary act of radical inclusion become one people!

 

Listening with belovedness

/ Lanae / 6 Comments

Since I voiced my desire for this blog to be a ‘conversation space rich in belovedness’, a place where ‘honest, vulnerable conversation and connection’ takes place, it seems good to discuss first an essential part of such conversation – listening. In particular, mindful listening, deep listening. Listening with open-heartedness, listening with belovedness …

But how does such listening apply to writing, to a blog context, to this blog? I’ve been pondering what an intentional listening space looks like in a place where it seems all too easy for the blogger to just do the ‘talking’, or most of it, through content-creating.

I’m usually known as a quiet person, and it’s true, sometimes I am! In group settings, I generally become a listener and an observer, partly because I enjoy understanding the dynamics and patterns at play – and well, partly because I do have a quiet, low voice. However, closer friends know that I am not always quiet, that I have a voice and a lot to say, that there is a deep well of intensity and passion dwelling in my heart and soul, and that sometimes it plentifully, passionately pours forth!

Perhaps this blog is an outlet to pour forth my voice, to be heard and known. But I mean it to be much more than that; I mean it also to be about blending our voices together, listening to each other. Being present together with ourselves, being who we are, hearing and listening to who we truly are, in a space of intentional communication. So, is that possible through a blog?! Yes, yes!

In a blog context, we may not be in each other’s presence, but we certainly can still be richly present with each other. I can (and will!) be present and mindful in how I prepare the words I share and in how I listen and respond to comments; you can be present and mindful in how you read, receive, and reflect upon the words.

What then, is this mindful, deep listening?

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Buddhist master, whose serene wisdom and clear, elegant writing I have come to treasure, teaches and writes about mindful listening, deep listening. Mindfulness is a way of being, of being present, being here now, both with ourselves and with each other. One of the most important practices of mindfulness is deep listening, a very loving way to be present with someone who is sharing themselves with us. Mindful, loving communication and relationships develop through deep listening and loving speech.

Loving speech arises from deep listening. Belovedness arises from deep listening, mindful listening … we can send echoes of belovedness into someone’s heart without even needing to speak, just by being deeply present, listening with full attention and intention. This is the preparation for speaking words of belovedness, words of comfort or counsel, and for actions of belovedness.

Often, we tend to listen (or read) with intent to reply, but what if we listen solely with intent to hear and to understand? What if we listen to or read someone’s words not with intent to debate or to point out wrong perceptions (or ones we feel are possibly wrong), but with intent to learn, to understand, to communicate, to dialogue, to seek reconciliation? That type of listening intent echoes with grace and humility, which are themselves also echoes of belovedness …

Thich Nhat Hanh also speaks of first listening to understand, rather than first seeking to offer counsel or solutions for suffering. Listen for and to the heart of the other person (or group of people), to hear whatever their suffering may be or may have been, to be present with them in that, to enter into their experience and perspective.

It is beautiful and right to have a passion to stand against and to correct injustice and oppression, to do whatever we can to ease suffering, to put solutions into action. But first, be present, listen deeply and mindfully to understand, to perceive clearly, to love deeply. Then we can be prepared to speak and to act for change in ways that add no harm but are healing and liberating.

Listening may not seem like much to do, but it’s a first right thing to do; the essential foundation for deeper ‘doing’. Listening with belovedness is a great gift to give to ourselves, to one another, to all, to the world. A listening presence of belovedness, empty of prejudicial discrimination, full of acceptance and compassion, is so restorative, so healing, with the potential to build strong relationships, create deep change, bring a profound, transformative justice to a world that needs it.