Category: mindfulness

Monthly Abundance Focus: Reviewing February (Energy)

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

February – ENERGY


Intention: Boost vitality and improve atmosphere of home.
Mantra: Lightness, laughter, love, and less stuff.
Actions:
1. Sage home regularly. (This means, get home saging kit!)
2. De-cluttering, minimizing, reducing materialism. Too much stuff, not in order, saps energy.
3. Set up cleaning service – regular.
4. Ethical diet – mindful consumption. Move toward and into more vegetarian diet.
5. From pros/cons list – note energy feeders vs. energy drains. Determine appropriate actions to reduce energy drains, and focus on energy feeders.
6. Mindful of energy of communication.
7. Lighten up about expectations, chores, and chaos.
8. Laugh more. Get a game to play with kids that invites everyone to play and laugh together.
9. Energy healing (chakra work).

Some things I have noticed as this project/year unfolds:

*My action plans are rather ambitious, so I’ve found it essential to check my expectations – or let them go! I’ve given myself permission to not accomplish everything on each month’s list, so that I don’t weigh myself down.
*The idea on some of these action steps is simply to begin  – and to realize some of them are broad and dynamic, perhaps not finishable in a time-limited sense, but rather ongoing, evolving, deepening shifts in perspective and behavior.
*Many remain ‘in progress’ – they weren’t for just the one month, although that was a time to dedicate specifically to growing them into enduring habits.
*Broader actions or intentions provide a neat contrast and balance to the more specific, time-limited ones. It’s kind of nice to have actions or intentions that can be checked off, but some to put the ‘in progress’ next to, also!
*And – imperfect progress is progress.
*How relevant each month’s theme really are to my life in the moment! Of course, that could well be just because that’s where my attention is, so that’s what I notice, but the intentions and actions already planned have been so right for the needs that arose. Trust the universe, indeed!

So, to check in on February!

Let me tell you, I am now sold on having a cleaning service come in! It was beyond wonderful and such relieved joy to arrive home to a sparkling clean home that had been deep cleaned in places I haven’t gotten to in ages.  The first cleaning was a gift from dear friends who understood what a burden-lifter it would be, but a cleaning once a month from now on is my gift to myself and my kids, too!

Between that and a major decluttering of my closet and room, and donating loads of things from it to a local homeless shelter, the energy in my home became so much brighter, lighter, and more vital! Which meant my energy felt so much brighter, lighter, and more vital … and this flowed into my relationships with my kids, my parenting, and my communications with them. There has been more lightness and laughter ….

And less stuff too!

The decluttering of my closet and room had felt like an intimidating task to me, but turned out to be such fun once I buckled down to it. So satisfying to have a more neatly organized closet, and it’s been easier to get dressed faster in the morning because it’s only the things that I will and do truly wear that are there – fewer (and yet more viable) options actually makes decision-making much simpler, which in turns saves mental and emotional energy.

Another satisfying thing was releasing remnants of the past me, letting go of things that no longer suited or served me or had never truly suited or served me, removing burdens or bonds that I had allowed to remain, in some cases not even aware of how I had held onto them or the energy cost of that … the sense of lightness  that came from this, so liberating!

I have regularly saged my office space at the end of day, and found it powerful as a way of clearing my mind and soul, and honoring the stories and emotions that have been shared there that day along with preparing the space for those to come. I thought – why not give myself and my family the same gift at home – cleansing, sanctifying the space, dedicating it to sacred peace? My kids aren’t necessarily fond of the sage smell, bless them … but nonetheless, to me, I feel that the air and energy and spirit in our home is lighter and cleaner. Practices that invite peace and cleansing are vital!

About the non-meat eating, I’m still learning what a holistically balanced vegetarian diet looks like, and what will best meet my body’s needs, but my body does feel happier energy so far! As well, I simply feel more in line with my own values, my sense of mindful, ethical living, which helps my spiritual well-being.

Finally, one of my guide-phrases for the year is ‘Energy follows attention; energy follows expression’. This is 2-fold. First, my thoughts and my attention affect my energy level and my mood, so when my thoughts and attention went down a rabbit hole, my energy followed! And when I directed myself out of the rabbit hole, my energy followed. Also, science-y tidbit here – our brains take cues about our emotions/moods from our facial expressions, so putting on a half-smile, even a tiny curve of the lips, sends feedback to our brains that can shift mood. I’ve found this practice helpful to shift or lift physical, mental, and emotional weariness. Remembering the phrase and its practices have been a key way to manage the overall energy of my communication and my presence.

All these practices have been nourishing and cleansing, and so yes, my own and my home’s energy feel more vital, lighter, and brighter!

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Preview:

March’s theme is …. Money/financial abundance (and so, so in time, too!).

Retreat reflections: Mindfulness vows to myself

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I began 2019 with a silent retreat at a lovely, serene spiritual oasis in northeast Nebraska (St Benedict Center). It was a time of deeply mindful, sacred rest – exactly what my body and soul needed after a busy, intense, revolutionary year full of some pretty powerful learning and growing experiences! 

When I arrived, my soul felt it was home. I knew, my body and soul knew, here was a place of deep peace safe to rest and be – and all I had to do here was rest and be. Lay down burdens, step into another world, set aside the phone and the watch, re-connect to and follow the rhythms of nature and my own body. What a delight and relief!

For me, this retreat was like a spiritual pilgrimage, a journey within, to see what I could find and learn in the silence and to see what gifts and news silence would bring me. I came with some deep desires. What I hungered for was to find and learn what would help me live my purpose to be more present in my life and with others. What I thirsted for was to immerse myself in Presence and know deeper healing and wholeness.

After arriving and settling in, I thought, to find what I’m seeking I need to set intention(s) that will give me clear direction. Oh, yes, I sought space for my soul to wander free … but I also didn’t want my mind to wander lost either!

I sat in the solarium that first afternoon with pen and notebook, surrounded by books and light and spacious quiet, soaking in the peaceful ambience, a still quiet at ease with itself. I reflected on how I could act with deliberate intention in physical and spiritual ways to support and deepen my purpose and practice of presence, to embody mindfulness.

In this quietness, these words came to be my guide and companion on my retreat journey. And they’ve stayed! I decided they weren’t just retreat vows, but life vows. I printed out and framed a copy I keep in my bedroom, and another I put on my desk in my (new!) office space, to keep my purpose ever before my eyes, engraved on my mind, nurtured in my heart, informing my words and my work, flourishing in my whole being.

There were many rich lessons, wild and precious moments of pure joy and aliveness, profound healing experiences, and other gifts I’d love to share down the road perhaps (some feel like they are only meant to be told in how I live but the ones meant to be told here will tell me, I’m sure!). But for now, just this seems enough and more:

Guiding Mindfulness Vows

(My Vows to myself on my Retreat and for Life)

When I walk, I will walk
When I sit, I will sit
When I eat, I will eat
When I write, I will write
When I read, I will read
When I rest, I will rest
When I listen, I will listen
When I observe, I will observe

When I look, I will look deeply
            into myself
            into what is present

When a feeling arises, I will feel it as it is
            and then set it free
            chaining to it no story

I will be with my body
                       my heart
                       my mind
                       my soul

When I notice myself in distraction  
          I will redirect myself with a gentle grace
When I notice myself in rumination and self-recrimination
            I will give thanks for my awareness and
            return my body and mind to the one act
                        of presence

            of walking
            of sitting
            of eating
            of writing
            of reading
            of resting
            of listening
            of observing

Above all and in all
            of experiencing this moment
           of being and inter-being

With my presence, I will be present
With Presence, I will be present

Choosing abundance

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I was sitting on the porch one recent afternoon, just noticing and drinking in the abundance of beautiful things: the bright blue sky, deep green grass, and vivid pink peonies.

And a thought came to me – I know! I’m going to create a little notebook where I write down things that remind me of the abundance of my life, of creation, the abundance of beauty and joy in everyday things, the abundance of provision for all I truly need …

I know sometimes people have gratitude journals, but I thought, I’m going to call mine an Abundance Journal!

Why abundance?

Abundance has been one of my key words this year. Even in the midst of tremendous personal losses and heartbreaks, I have kept believing in abundance. I have acknowledged the losses, and the costliness of them, the pain in them, but have also chosen to view and live them through the lens of abundance. In viewing and living those losses and heartaches through abundance, I was seeking whatever gain and good was present in them – or at least, whatever benefit and blessing I could draw from them or create from them.

I know sometimes the benefit and blessing takes time to see, to become clear. And I know some experiences or events in themselves cannot be called ‘good’ and some experiences seem to take away more than they give. Yet even in profound loss and suffering is present the possibility of abundance  … speaking the truth of my experience.

At the very least, viewing and living hard experiences – sorrows and heartaches, misfortune and sufferings – through abundance offers the comfort, courage, inner peace, and strength to wait, to continue, to persevere. Viewing and living them through abundance creates clarity, insight, joy, grace, wisdom, liberty.

Living through abundance welcomes in wholeness where there has been brokenness, and keeps open and clear your connection to your own wholeness of being – that wholeness that is yours, at your center.

Living through abundance gives you the heart and eyes to see that you have enough, you are enough … no matter what you do not have or what you are not, what you have and who are you can be enough.

Living through abundance invites abundance. Really, it invites you to see the abundance that already is … that already is present in each moment, present deep within you.

Abundance is here. Abundance is in you; your abundance is in you.  The abundance of creation is everywhere, in the world, in others, in you.

Abundance is a way of being,  a way of living. A way of being in the world, a way of being goodness and grace and generosity in the world. A way of being in yourself that opens you to goodness and grace, to your own goodness and grace.  A way of being with others that is open to seeing the goodness and grace in them, that invites abundance into the space between you.

A way of being  lovingly and unsparingly generous with yourself and with others. Generous with your attention and deep presence. Generous with your words, your heart, and your spirit.

Generous with compassion, kindness, service. Generous with gentleness and humbleness. Generous in sharing joys and sorrows both.

As I’ve learned, I can either come from a place of poverty or a place of abundance. I have spent enough of my life coming from a place of poverty, in the way I saw myself and others, the way I perceived and experienced things, in the perspectives and worldviews I had. I’ve had enough of that way of thinking, living, and being! It brought painful famine into my soul … a sad thing when so much abundance was already present.

So, I choose abundance! I choose to come from and live and be in a place of abundance.

And so these are reminder questions I have for myself, especially when I notice I’m moving into a place of poverty in the thoughts  I’m allowing or feelings I’m feeding:

What is present in this moment that is of abundance?

What is present right now that is beautiful, and is enough?

How can I simply be present now to see what is of abundance in this moment?

What can I place my awareness on that will encourage and deepen abundance in my heart, mind, and soul?

Choosing abundance is really choosing gratitude. Abundance is cultivated through gratitude, and gratitude is cultivated through mindful awareness of all the abundance that is present now.

And so, yes, my abundance journal is really a gratitude journal by another name!

Yet, I am going to call it an Abundance Journal because gratitude is both a reminder and a creator of abundance.

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Here’s an excerpt from my Abundance Journal, from just a couple hours of one afternoon:

A hug from one of my children

Kind words from a friend

Smiling at people and receiving smiles in return

An unexpected offer of help

The spacious blue sky

The brilliant gold sunlight

The soft warm breeze, air fresh and sparkling clear from recent rains

Lush green grass and the peonies budding out, in bright shades of pink

Supple strong young trees in my yard and the mature trees in other yards, soaring into the sky, all cloaked in various shades of green robes

The petunia in the flowerpot that was a Mother’s Day gift from a little daughter

The fact that I am sitting here in the sunshine in this body and that I can feel myself sitting here, connecting with nature

I am breathing

My mind is clear and my heart at ease, right here and right now … abundance of peace and stillness

How rich I see that I am!

Beginnings and continuings

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

So, dear friends, it’s been a while since my last post … and now it’s a year since this blog was born, and the anniversary of my very first post!

And as the milestone approached, I’ve done some reflecting, on the past, present, and future of the blog.

When I started this blog, it was with the simple intent to speak truth in love, to echo belovedness, to encourage mindfulness.

I believe, I hope, that I have fulfilled those purposes, yes, and so if I measure the success of the blog by just that simple gauge, then it’s been successful enough.

I don’t think I had any specific visions of having a popular blog, but I did want to reach people and touch lives, hearts, minds, souls … I wanted to reach a significant number of people and have a deep impact! I desired to sow many seeds, seeds of loving-kindness, seeds of compassion, seeds of mindfulness. I wanted to inspire broadened perspectives, to encourage equanimity and grace …

To open up deeper connections and engage in thoughtful conversations …

To look at matters of the heart and soul, of truth and justice, of relationships with ourselves and others, in the light of Belovedness …

Sometimes, I wondered … is any of this happening; if it is happening, is it happening very much? I couldn’t see if much was happening … and I wanted to see and know! It rather seems to be my nature, that I want to see and know, and accepting that sometimes I am simply not going to be able to see and know is hard.

And I had to ask myself the questions: was I writing for the views, or writing to share my views for whatever good they might mean, whether that was to 10, 50, or 100? Was I writing to feed my ego or pride, or writing to feed the souls of whomever read the words, whether that was 10, 50, or 100?

Was I writing from the soul and from the heart? Was my heart and soul fed by simply writing and sharing and loving and being?

I think, as this new year begins, and a new year of blogging begins, that I have learned to let it be. Something has shifted and relaxed, become more fluid and free, in my blogging perspective, in my life perspective.

The success of this blog still matters to me … I just define that success differently, if indeed I even bother to define it! I’m being more intentional about not creating some clear-cut definition, but letting the definition be fluid and flow as it will. And letting truth and Belovedness flow as they will, letting whatever words come flow as they will. And doing more trusting and less controlling …

So perhaps this blog will have a fresher, freer feel and flow to it!

Related to that new feel and flow …

I am teaching a mindfulness/meditation class each week at a local yoga studio, which has been a beautiful new challenge and learning experience for me.

(The class is called ‘Awakening Stillness’ … which harmonizes beautifully with ‘Echoing Belovedness,’ don’t you think?!)

One thing I’ve learned in planning for this class is to distill my thoughts and words. I like to have a theme, such as surrender or being present or creating space, form the structure of the movements and the meditation in each class.

And a meditation class is not a lecture class! Only a few clear, concise words are needed to speak of following the breath, letting attention be anchored in the breath, being aware of breath in the body. Only a few clear, concise phrases are needed to invite people to consider the theme, the seed-thought.

Simplicity and clarity in my words, my instruction allows space for the seed-thought to be whatever it needs to be, or not be, for each person in the class.

Simplicity makes the teaching clearer and the message stronger. It takes much stillness to find such simplicity and clarity. A stillness I am still, and always, seeking!

But perhaps I can learn to distill my thoughts and words, desires and expectations, for this blog in the same manner as I have learned to do for my class …to be still and let the distilling happen!

Awaken stillness to more clearly echo belovedness!

Saying ‘Yes!’ to belovedness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Over the last few years, I’ve tried to keep a spiritual journal of sorts. Not a diary for recounting daily events, but for working out spiritual musings and philosophical ponderings, or making feeble attempts at poetry sometimes, too!

Now and then, it’s an adventure to go back and read ‘old’ words … to re-learn or reclaim forgotten insights, lessons, or experiences. Or to feel like I am indeed on a spiral staircase, circling around the same themes in my life and mind and soul …

So it happened again … As I opened up my journal to write, thinking “Oh, I need to return to belovedness, find a clear ‘Yes’ to it again, not water seeds of bitterness,” the page fell open to an entry from November 20 (2015) that was like a return to a familiar landing on the spiral staircase! Like, haven’t I been on this step before, looked out this tower window??

The external scenery of my journey is different, yet there was a sense of returning to a familiar inner landscape! The realization, “I’ve been here before; but what more is there I need to learn this time?”

And so chimed another mindfulness bell … or the same mindfulness bell, again …

In words I’m sharing below just as they flowed out then …

The last few days have been intense – just rather a deep swelling psychic sense of a ‘NO’ arising in this land, crying:

No! No, we will not take in refugees; No, we do not want Muslims here; No, we do not want Syrians (etc., etc., etc.) here;

No, we do not think the world will ever be anything other than broken and no, we do not think love or goodness is the true nature of humanity … evil and violence is and will always be;

No, we do not think love will win; no, belovedness is not greater than fear!

It has made my ‘YES’ feel so lost in the resounding cacophony of that ‘NO’ … and has broken my heart.

But I find now, again, that the strength and quiet, peaceful power of a conviction of Ultimate truth of belovedness has returned to my ‘YES’. I will keep saying ‘YES,’ I will keep saying all are beloved, I will keep saying ‘Belovedness is …

To clarify, the reference points for those words are the Paris attacks, the rising anguish and awareness around ISIS/the Syrian refugee situation, and the powerful, visceral emotional reactions in the U.S. and globally to these and other  crises. (And please hold in mind that this isn’t meant as political commentary – it’s a soul-cry – it’s spiritual (social/spiritual) commentary, if anything! I’m not a political activist, I’m more a social justice advocate with a spiritual approach, a spiritual advocate or perhaps a mindfulness messenger.)

Though those events are past, they still seem to be present, somehow – unresolved, unreconciled, unhealed. And the words above remain relevant because our shared societal spiral staircase always seems to be taking us to these points of political, social, and spiritual crises … where both the NO! and the YES! voices are resounding, on scores of personal, social, political, racial issues.

Awareness and change are happening rapidly, things are shifting, evolving. In the midst of it, there is fear, there is hope, sometimes a fearful hopelessness, sometimes a fearful hopefulness …

And the words are relevant to my own personal journey, my own inner ‘climbing of the spiral staircase’ … for me personally, change is happening rapidly also, things are shifting, evolving on many levels in my life, from deep internal places to external circumstances. And just as before, my ‘Yes’ to belovedness has started feeling lost, blurred, frayed … and my ‘No’ to anger, impatience, bitterness, and negativity has been waning.

I needed (continually need) a mindfulness bell to remind me I am beloved, to remind me of my ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to knit any unraveling edges back into the fabric of belovedness. To remind me to accept change and to embrace and heal my pain and difficult emotions with the ‘Yes’ of belovedness. To find strength and grace in focusing on that ‘Yes.’

I think so do we all, so does our beloved country, so does the world often need a mindfulness bell, in whatever form it takes … to remind us we are all beloved, we all belong in belovedness. To teach us to declare and to live a communal ‘Yes’ to love, compassion, hope,  justice … to say ‘Yes’ to loving ourselves and one another and ‘No’ to causing ourselves and one another suffering.

For where there’s a ‘Yes,’ there’s a ‘No’ …  saying ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to compassion, to peace, to justice, to forgiveness, to hope, to grace, to freedom, to open-mindedness and equanimity, is also saying ‘No’ to fear or being ruled by it, violence, prejudice, injustice, inaction, indifference, poverty, oppression … a ‘No’ that must be clear!

Yet what seems most needful is not so much to declare the ‘No’ against suffering as to proclaim the ‘Yes’ for liberation from suffering … to be the ‘YES’!

And even when a fearful or cynical ‘No’ seems so loud and dominant, listen for the powerful, peaceful ‘Yes’ that’s still present, in you, in others, in the world … and amplify it!

Live the ‘Yes’ … make your life a resounding ‘Yes’ to love, grace, hope, justice, mindfulness!

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*** I also wrote a poem with this journal entry, but I’m not including it all here. I’m working on creating a separate section/category specifically for poetry. Right now, it’s here: Always yes, always beloved, always belovedness ***

       

Resting in the posture

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

The blog has been quiet again! That is what happens to the blogging life when the demands of grad school loom large in the form of two giant research papers. Fifty-odd pages later, I can come up for some air … and take final exams. Then start all over with two more classes promptly starting, two days after these classes end … keep breathing!

Oh, and add yoga teacher training classes into that mix: intense, full weekends once a month, and two of them close together, right in the midst of the rush of the research papers and the exams! Just keep breathing, yes …

Well, this is the life and the workload I chose, and so I am not complaining! I am still learning how to breathe mindfully through it all, however. Still learning how to ‘rest in the posture,’ as it were.

Resting in the posture is something I’ve learned from yoga, a way to sustain, settle, stay in strength,  to find strength to stay in a challenging posture. (To give credit where credit must be given, I learned the phrase ‘rest in the posture’ from a lovely book called Meditations from the Mat, by Rolf Gates. )

In yoga, to rest in the posture is to be able to stay in the pose, deepen into it, even to surrender into it, when the temptation is to bail out of it instead.

But to be able to stay in it, to find strength, means first pausing, stepping back out of the pose a bit, adjusting, and then moving back into it again. It means letting go of tension, letting a softness and lightness flow through bones and muscles and mind instead, surrendering stubbornness and surrendering into the struggle, into the challenge, into the pose in the moment.

Challenging, difficult poses or postures aren’t just found in yoga, though! They’re found everywhere, in parenting, in marriage and friendships, in the workplace, in going back to school, in taking on a new adventure, in suffering the loss of a loved one, or even in the most ordinary-seeming everyday days … and in a sense, the posture never ends. It changes, but flows on, like a river to the sea …

Learning to rest in the posture then, in some way or another, seems essential to having the strength to sustain the posture, to handle whatever the challenge is, to embrace the struggle or the suffering. To sustain and be sustained, to embrace and be embraced through it.

So, sometimes I am struggling in a pose, or struggling in a yoga class, and I remember, ‘rest in the posture,’ and I feel something in me, in my body and in my heart, shift and melt … and I realize, the strength and will and joy to endure are there!

And other times, like when I felt overwhelmed with life happening all at once, research papers, yoga class homework, kids out of school for the summer … I think, wow, how can I manage all of this?! And I remember, ‘rest in the posture.’ And something in me shifts, settles into acceptance, and vital grace is there again.

Let go of tensions, let go of resistance to the challenge, struggle, or suffering, let go of what is not needful or helpful. Pause, rest, surrender, re-adjust, find the grace and joy and strength of this moment! And be amazed at how much grace and joy and strength there is in you, to tap into when you rest in the posture. And be in awe at what postures (of life) you can rest in and how much rest you can find there.

In writing this, I realized that this phrase ‘rest in the posture,’ is so much like a phrase I used in an earlier post, ‘take refuge in surrender.’ They really are so much alike, but yet different, perhaps, too. Instead of me explaining what I think that means, I think I’ll leave space for you to decide whatever the meaning is for you!

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And,  related to the idea of the posture never ending, but shifting into new forms, and finding grace to rest in the new posture …

I find myself moved to do something that is like shifting into a new posture, something that seems scary to me, because it’s perhaps making myself vulnerable in a way I haven’t before, opening up my heart-space, my soul, to you all in a different way …

And that is to share on this blog, in a section of its own that I will set up soon, a statement of faith/spirituality that I wrote after a dear friend said to me, you should write a statement of faith; I would love to read it!

Sharing it feels sort of like a posture that I might rather avoid because of fear I’ll fall out of it or embarrass myself, but something says to me, just take refuge in surrender and rest in this posture, too. And who knows what grace will come from it!

So, check back soon! 🙂

 

 

Being peace

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

May there be peace, peace, peace. (Buddhist prayer)                                                                                                                     May I be in peace; may I be peace. (me)                   

I know the blog has been quiet recently, but my life has not been quiet! The end of the school year always seems to bring a flurry of activity, tying up loose ends, bringing things to a close, and setting the stage for transition from one grade to another, one season to another …

Speaking of transition, my oldest son, A, is moving on to middle school! This transition moves a swell of feelings and thoughts in my heart, too … and in his.

But, even though the kids’ school year is drawing to a close, mine is not! Mine remains a steady flow of discussion posts, reading assignments, and research papers … and the hope and the rush to have as much as possible done before the days and hours are less quiet than they are while four munchkins are away at school.

And in all this, deep blogging inspiration has not visited often either …

So, the blog has been sitting on a back burner … not a cold burner,  just a gentle warm mindful simmer!

Now, you might be wondering what connection the quotes at the beginning have to do with anything so far! Here it is: these words, these prayers and intentions of peace, have been simmering in my mind while I’ve been busy.

Sitting with me when I sit, walking with me where I walk, going with me where I go. Present with me when I am reading, when I am meditating, when I am conversing, when I am hurting.

Specifically, the word ‘peace,’ the prayer and desire and intention for peace and to be peace, has been a gentle murmuring stream in my heart and mind throughout the busy-ness of these days. I’ve been holding on to these peace prayers as an anchor and a balm for my soul.

Because not only has this been a season of busy-ness, it has been of late a season of new and deeper spiritual questions, opportunities, sacrifices, changes, and choices … a time of inner struggle, discovery, pruning, growth. A valley season, perhaps. And valley seasons can sometimes feel so unsettling, so anxiety-making!

But in this valley runs a river of peace. That gentle murmuring stream that has been flowing through my days, through me. Bringing strength, bringing power, bringing rest even in the busy-ness, in the struggles.

And as I have sat and sought quiet in the swirl and swarm of busy-ness, of questions with hard answers or no answers, of intense, big feelings, often I have only been able to focus my attention on these words:

May there be peace, peace, peace.                                                                                                                       May I be in peace; may I be peace.

But it has been enough. Enough to help bring me to a center of stillness, or close enough to a center of stillness. Enough to leave within me that gentle murmuring stream, an echo of peace, of belovedness.

Enough to bring me strength and remind me that I am beloved.

Enough to help me remember to water the seeds of happiness within, to nourish the seeds of joy.

Enough to help me be present enough in my life, present with others, present with peace.

Enough to help me be mindful, even imperfectly. Imperfect mindfulness is still mindfulness! And imperfect mindfulness is okay, is enough. Enough to make a difference of peace, a difference of perspective, a difference of vision.

I have been astounded every time I step outside and the world seems so beautiful and bright, colors so vivid and intense, light so pure and clear. The green grass so green, the sky so blue and so boundless. And my heart becomes still and smiles. And I think, with wonder and awe, how can this be? In the midst of the rush of busy-ness, of challenge and struggle, of swirling questions, of deep hurts, how can this be? This sense of calm, this gift of beauty?

But I think it is the flowing and the flowering of these words coming alive for me, in me:

May there be peace, peace, peace.                                                                                                                      May I be in peace; may I be peace.

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My dear friends, may you too be in peace, may you be peace, whatever is in this season of your life. It is possible for peace and busy-ness, peace and change, peace and struggle, peace and pain to be present together!

And as we make peace and being peace our intention, we can be peace, peace within our own lives and relationships, and we can be peace in and for a troubled world.

The idea of happiness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

Instead of ending with questions, as I sometimes like to do, I’ll begin with them this time!

What is your idea of happiness? What is your idea of what will create happiness for you; what are your conditions of happiness?

How do you envision or define happiness?

Happiness may mean something a bit different to each of us; each of us may have our own idea(s) of happiness, a set of conditions attached to it. ‘If I have this …,’ ‘if I am that …’

But I wonder if perhaps sometimes, whatever our idea of happiness is, if that is itself the very thing that stands in the way of knowing and living in happiness?

And I wonder if perhaps a deeper happiness is found instead by letting go of ideas of happiness we’re attached to, letting go of what we think our happiness should be, so that it can be what it is. So that we can be awake to it in us, awake to our seeds of happiness, awake to ways of watering those seeds.

What if the truth of happiness is that it’s not a passing sensation, a fleeting mood, but that it’s a way of being, a state of being? A deeply rooted inner state of well-being, a self-compassionate well-being … whatever outward conditions or other emotional challenges may be present.

As a mindfulness saying I keep in mind goes … “my happiness depends on my mental attitude, not on external conditions … looking within, I am aware I have enough conditions to be happy right now.”

Some conditional ideas of happiness might even be in the way we think we ‘should’ be inside, though, a striving for a ‘perfect’ mental/emotional state of being …

Such as, ‘I should always be positive;’ ‘I shouldn’t have or express many dark, negative, or intense emotions;’ ‘I should be serene and even-keeled!’ At least, these are ideas of happiness I noticed in myself … I even remember a dear friend calling me out on it once! I was struggling with the fact that I was struggling with some intense, uncomfortable feelings and she said, “Part of it is that you think you should always be happy!”

Then I saw that, yes, I did … and yes, I was judging myself for being unhappy right then, for what I perceived as a failure of mindfulness and equanimity within myself. Shaming myself for what seemed a return to an unhappy, less balanced way of being …

Having learned about mindfulness, I had the notion I should struggle less with intense emotion, not have to wrestle all night for the blessing of peace, so to speak. Actually, this idea itself was acting as a barrier to my happiness … a more authentic, if imperfect, happiness!

But happiness is an inclusive way of being, also accepting moments of unhappiness or intense emotions that come as normal and not to be shunned or judged as ‘wrong’ or ‘flawed,’ somehow sins against happiness. Suffering, sadness, guilt, grief, loneliness, anger, anxiety, embarrassment, envy … all common threads in the tapestry of human emotional experience.

Sometimes, an idea of happiness may be that it’s found in the absence of painful or intense emotions. But happiness rests in a peace with their presence, when they’re present, knowing that pain or suffering in whatever form is not the sum of our existence, the absolute Truth of our being.

Happiness is noticing what else is present at the moment, here and now. What of grace is there also present to touch?

Is it realistic to expect that happiness means sailing a calm, calm sea without waves? No waves, just deep, still water … and only sunshine, no clouds? What is a realistic, mindful vision of happiness?

I love a metaphor I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh … waves are a part of the water, but not the sum of it, not the whole of the ocean. Waves are a part of the nature of water, of the ocean, but not the whole of its nature. When there are waves, the water is still water. And even when there are waves of water on the surface, or storms, deep below the water remains still.

So it is with the difficult emotions. They are the waves that come, but they are not the whole of our nature, our being. They are only a part of us, of who we are. And in the deeps, can still be the stillness … a stillness that gives us strength to be with, even in, the waves … and to know they shall never overflow us.

Happiness, or equanimity, also means understanding and accepting that many waves do come, because it is the nature of things that they come, but they are not the sum of the water, of the ocean … of us.

Happiness is holding onto self-compassion even when feeling tossed upon or carried by those waves, knowing that they aren’t the whole truth, they don’t represent the absolute nature of reality … that is, Love, which is always present.

And so, I have begun learning to let go of the idea of happiness as one long, flowing all-encompassing state of perfect peace or joy that fills every moment.

Instead, I am learning to let my happiness be in knowing Love, in remembering that I am beloved and can live in the way of belovedness, and in reminding myself to listen for the echoes of belovedness. To find stillness, even within painful emotions, and listen for the echoes of belovedness in them.

What, then, is your happiness?

**** I was going to leave you with a photo captioned with the quote, Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness … but it wouldn’t work, so I will just leave you with the quote itself! 🙂 ****

 

Restorative Justice, Part 1

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

My tagline says, “mindfully speaking and living love, compassion, and justice.” Since I’ve shared much already about love and compassion, perhaps it’s time to begin talking more about justice, to echo the belovedness of justice, to implore a justice that echoes and encourages belovedness.

The things that I have been sharing with you – deep listening; watering seeds of grace, gratitude, and goodness; even the practice of equanimity, finding emotional and spiritual steadiness – all lead into the notion of a justice of belovedness, also. These practices are mindfulness practices, but also justice practices, about first dealing with our own selves in just ways, then seeking to deal with others in just ways. Just communication, just interactions, just relationships … healing communication, healing interactions, healing relationships.

I’ve used the phrase ‘restorative justice,’ or ‘transformative justice,’ in past posts, and I’m feeling moved to share about what those words mean, what they mean to me. I decided to research into the concept more deeply, and learned so much about restorative justice as an alternative to the current criminal justice system presently dominant in this country (and many others) – a retributive rather a restorative system.

I do want to share more about the spirit and practices of restorative vs retributive justice and the relationship of suffering and social justice. Indeed, I even have a lot about it written already, but there is only so much that can be crammed into one post, which is why I decided to turn this topic into a multi-part series of posts!

However, I realized I wanted, needed, first to clarify what I was initially envisioning when I spoke of ‘restorative justice,’ to lay as clear a foundation as I can. I was centering upon a mindful relational and spiritual perspective, about healing and restoring the imbalances of justice that exist in the very way we perceive and live in relationship and interact with one another. Yes, the social aspects then follow; reformation or transformation of social structures, of the criminal justice system. Restorative justice flows into and blends with social justice.

But first, I simply want to look at what I see as a major root of restorative justice, a reason for the need and the value of it. I see it as the root because I tend to see life and living and relationships through a spiritual lens, a lens of mindful spirituality, and because I am deeply concerned with and passionate about the healing of our souls, healing of the collective soul of society. Restorative justice for the soul, for the spirit.

These verses, shared with me at the beginning of Lent, opened to me a beautiful, practical, transcendent, living view of restorative justice, what it looks like both in spirit and in action:

Isaiah 58

6.Is not this the fast that I choose                                                                    to loose the bonds of injustice                                                                          to undo the thongs of the yoke,                                                                         to let the oppressed go free,                                                                          and to break every yoke?

7.Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,                                                and bring the homeless poor into your house …

8.Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,                                       and your healing shall spring up quickly; …                                                          

9. … If you remove the yoke from among you;                                               the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil

10.If you offer your food to the hungry                                                         and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,                                                           then your light shall rise in the darkness                                                    and your gloom be like the noonday.

These verses speak of suffering, of justice that is due the suffering, the oppressed, the burdened, the poor. Justice blended with service of love and compassion. This means to do not only charitable acts, but to advocate for deep change, as we are aware and able.

A restorative justice, is it not, to loose the bonds of injustice and to let the oppressed go free? To break every yoke of oppression, every spiritual yoke, every societal yoke, every yoke of inequality, placed upon our fellow human beings. Ones we have placed there, or ones others have, that matters little, except that together, we can and indeed must remove those yokes from among us, break them. Break them, so that those who have been broken by them might be able to stand, be whole …

I think we can all understand what some of those yokes may be, when we look deeply into the conflicts and suffering in the world, in the USA. Perhaps some of us are wearing yokes from which we need to go free … yokes of suffering or injustices … or yokes we wear because we’ve placed such yokes on others, intentionally or not.

This restorative justice begins within our own minds, hearts, and souls, an inner work of awareness and healing change that flows outward, ever outward, like light breaking forth. An inner work of restoration that first breaks within us whatever spiritual or psychological yokes we suffer under; that sets us free, free to practice with belovedness the work of restorative justice. To me, that’s what the fast I choose today looks like, in my being, my living.

This is the beginning of restorative justice. Beginning from the root, beginning within us, you and I. Beginning from the root and rising upward and outward, a justice of belovedness that first flows into us, flows from us, flows into our families, all our relationships with others, with strangers, with enemies … until there are no strangers, no enemies, no ‘others’, no ‘us vs. them.’

A justice of belovedness that flows like a river into our communities, our social institutions and structures.

A justice that flows across cultures and unites us, restored in wholeness to one another … restored and returned to the state of love, equality in love. A return to and restoration of the human connection, wherein is healing.

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I know this is a lot to absorb (!), but if you would take away one thing, let it be this: what does restorative justice mean to you, and in what spiritual and/or practical ways can or would you practice and live it?

 

 

 

 

What seeds are we watering?

/ Lanae / 2 Comments

Already we’ve looked at deep listening as a practice of mindfulness, being deeply present with others, seeing them as they are. Watering seeds is another part or practice of mindfulness, learning to look deeply to see and understand what seeds we are watering, and to practice watering wholesome seeds. We all are watering seeds! Are we aware what seeds we are watering?

Living mindfully is being mindful of the seeds within, mindful of our consciousness as storing seeds of all kinds, of all potential roots and fruits, mindful of what seeds we are watering. Our perceptions, thoughts, emotions – these are seeds that become rooted as patterns of thinking, acting, interacting. How well do we know the seeds we are watering?

Wholesome seeds, unwholesome seeds. Seeds in which either wholesomeness or unwholesomeness could arise, depending on how we water and nurture them.

Love, happiness, compassion, gratitude, kindness, joy, peace … wholesome seeds sowing goodness and grace.

Fear, doubt, anger, conceit, suffering, violence, hate … unwholesome seeds sowing discord and division.

Desire and passion, abundantly present. Seeds that seem to have both joy-creating and sorrow-creating potential.

All of these seeds can be in all of us. In us all are seeds of potential for a vast, diverse array of feelings and actions; the presence of both wholesome and unwholesome seeds, the capacity to choose to water either. But what do we choose to water? What we choose to think or read about, to focus on, our everyday activities … these things water seeds within us … and within others, also. We are interconnected, so in some way, what I water in myself, I water in you, in my friends, in my family, in someone around the world.

Sometimes we judge the seeds we think are present in others, or the seeds we think are present in ourselves. Sometimes, we might want to deny certain seeds are within us, such as fears, prejudices, or anger. Or we might want to destroy those particular seeds, and as we would with weeds in our gardens, seek to uproot them ruthlessly.

For example, I used to be angry at my anger, angry that it existed and lived in me, afraid of it. Ashamed of it. So, my practice was to try to destroy the destructive seed. And yet, being angry at anger, being afraid of it, being ashamed of it, waters it. Denying anger waters it. Reacting and thinking of it in emotionally violent ways feeds it, waters it. Deepens its roots and spreads its growth, while it takes up space, creates further suffering … This is true for other unwholesome seeds, in ourselves, or even in society.

But when I learned to practice acceptance and compassion toward my anger and myself for having it, an intriguing thing happened: its roots, its vines, its toxic presence and power withered. Watering seeds of compassion and forgiveness, helped more to master my anger, than any other act of striving against it.

When acknowledged but not watered, then unwholesome seeds cannot grow in unhealthy ways. Other wholesome seeds then have liberty and space for flourishing!

However, the energy of anger, of passion, can be constructively channeled into doing genuine good, helping motivate change. Courage and boldness to speak truths about injustices, to advocate and act for change, to plant seeds of restorative justice. But to make this possible, many other seeds must be mindfully watered, seeds of hope and compassion, understanding and desire for peace, love and belovedness, seeds that produce balance.

The seeds we water affect our experience of the Divine, our relationship with ourselves, with one another, children, parents, partners, everyone. To choose to water wholesome seeds in ourselves is to bring a healing influence first to ourselves and that influence spreads out, like ripples from a stone cast upon the water. In living this practice, we can change ourselves, our world, the world of another, even the whole world, simply by the seeds we water.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says:

“To touch the seeds of joy, peace, and love within you is a very important practice. You can ask your friends to do the same for you. If you love someone, you acknowledge their positive seeds…. [W]atering the seeds in one person is a very concrete practice of love. If you love me, please refrain from watering only the seeds of anger, despair, and hatred in me. If you love me, recognize the seeds of joy, gladness, peace, and solidity in me also and touch them, several times a day. That will help me grow in the direction of health, joy, and happiness.”

What a beautiful, practical act of love to offer each other: to look deeply, see the positive seed, and water those seeds! Why water negative seeds in someone when we want to help positive ones grow? Look for the good in our families, our children, co-workers, friends, strangers on the street, and water it … believe the seeds of good are there, find them, water them! Here’s the best relationship, parenting, spiritual-growth, or life advice I have today – find the seeds of good and water them!

While watering the good, let’s not deny or ignore the seeds of suffering in others, as that waters such seeds. Remember, listening deeply and wholly to someone’s pain, anger, despair, or fears and sorrows, is one way of watering seeds of comfort and compassion in them … so that those seeds in them could begin to flourish in and fill them. Deep listening and watering seeds go together! Can we, will we, offer these acts of service, these acts of belovedness, for ourselves and others?

What seeds are we watering in each other, in our communities, our churches or fellowship gatherings … our societies, our governments, our nations, and our world – our Earth?? Seeds of gratitude and grace? Seeds of peace and liberty? Seeds of hope and compassion? Seeds of belovedness?