Category: mindfulness practices

Retreat reflections: Mindfulness vows to myself

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I began 2019 with a silent retreat at a lovely, serene spiritual oasis in northeast Nebraska (St Benedict Center). It was a time of deeply mindful, sacred rest – exactly what my body and soul needed after a busy, intense, revolutionary year full of some pretty powerful learning and growing experiences! 

When I arrived, my soul felt it was home. I knew, my body and soul knew, here was a place of deep peace safe to rest and be – and all I had to do here was rest and be. Lay down burdens, step into another world, set aside the phone and the watch, re-connect to and follow the rhythms of nature and my own body. What a delight and relief!

For me, this retreat was like a spiritual pilgrimage, a journey within, to see what I could find and learn in the silence and to see what gifts and news silence would bring me. I came with some deep desires. What I hungered for was to find and learn what would help me live my purpose to be more present in my life and with others. What I thirsted for was to immerse myself in Presence and know deeper healing and wholeness.

After arriving and settling in, I thought, to find what I’m seeking I need to set intention(s) that will give me clear direction. Oh, yes, I sought space for my soul to wander free … but I also didn’t want my mind to wander lost either!

I sat in the solarium that first afternoon with pen and notebook, surrounded by books and light and spacious quiet, soaking in the peaceful ambience, a still quiet at ease with itself. I reflected on how I could act with deliberate intention in physical and spiritual ways to support and deepen my purpose and practice of presence, to embody mindfulness.

In this quietness, these words came to be my guide and companion on my retreat journey. And they’ve stayed! I decided they weren’t just retreat vows, but life vows. I printed out and framed a copy I keep in my bedroom, and another I put on my desk in my (new!) office space, to keep my purpose ever before my eyes, engraved on my mind, nurtured in my heart, informing my words and my work, flourishing in my whole being.

There were many rich lessons, wild and precious moments of pure joy and aliveness, profound healing experiences, and other gifts I’d love to share down the road perhaps (some feel like they are only meant to be told in how I live but the ones meant to be told here will tell me, I’m sure!). But for now, just this seems enough and more:

Guiding Mindfulness Vows

(My Vows to myself on my Retreat and for Life)

When I walk, I will walk
When I sit, I will sit
When I eat, I will eat
When I write, I will write
When I read, I will read
When I rest, I will rest
When I listen, I will listen
When I observe, I will observe

When I look, I will look deeply
            into myself
            into what is present

When a feeling arises, I will feel it as it is
            and then set it free
            chaining to it no story

I will be with my body
                       my heart
                       my mind
                       my soul

When I notice myself in distraction  
          I will redirect myself with a gentle grace
When I notice myself in rumination and self-recrimination
            I will give thanks for my awareness and
            return my body and mind to the one act
                        of presence

            of walking
            of sitting
            of eating
            of writing
            of reading
            of resting
            of listening
            of observing

Above all and in all
            of experiencing this moment
           of being and inter-being

With my presence, I will be present
With Presence, I will be present

Choosing abundance

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I was sitting on the porch one recent afternoon, just noticing and drinking in the abundance of beautiful things: the bright blue sky, deep green grass, and vivid pink peonies.

And a thought came to me – I know! I’m going to create a little notebook where I write down things that remind me of the abundance of my life, of creation, the abundance of beauty and joy in everyday things, the abundance of provision for all I truly need …

I know sometimes people have gratitude journals, but I thought, I’m going to call mine an Abundance Journal!

Why abundance?

Abundance has been one of my key words this year. Even in the midst of tremendous personal losses and heartbreaks, I have kept believing in abundance. I have acknowledged the losses, and the costliness of them, the pain in them, but have also chosen to view and live them through the lens of abundance. In viewing and living those losses and heartaches through abundance, I was seeking whatever gain and good was present in them – or at least, whatever benefit and blessing I could draw from them or create from them.

I know sometimes the benefit and blessing takes time to see, to become clear. And I know some experiences or events in themselves cannot be called ‘good’ and some experiences seem to take away more than they give. Yet even in profound loss and suffering is present the possibility of abundance  … speaking the truth of my experience.

At the very least, viewing and living hard experiences – sorrows and heartaches, misfortune and sufferings – through abundance offers the comfort, courage, inner peace, and strength to wait, to continue, to persevere. Viewing and living them through abundance creates clarity, insight, joy, grace, wisdom, liberty.

Living through abundance welcomes in wholeness where there has been brokenness, and keeps open and clear your connection to your own wholeness of being – that wholeness that is yours, at your center.

Living through abundance gives you the heart and eyes to see that you have enough, you are enough … no matter what you do not have or what you are not, what you have and who are you can be enough.

Living through abundance invites abundance. Really, it invites you to see the abundance that already is … that already is present in each moment, present deep within you.

Abundance is here. Abundance is in you; your abundance is in you.  The abundance of creation is everywhere, in the world, in others, in you.

Abundance is a way of being,  a way of living. A way of being in the world, a way of being goodness and grace and generosity in the world. A way of being in yourself that opens you to goodness and grace, to your own goodness and grace.  A way of being with others that is open to seeing the goodness and grace in them, that invites abundance into the space between you.

A way of being  lovingly and unsparingly generous with yourself and with others. Generous with your attention and deep presence. Generous with your words, your heart, and your spirit.

Generous with compassion, kindness, service. Generous with gentleness and humbleness. Generous in sharing joys and sorrows both.

As I’ve learned, I can either come from a place of poverty or a place of abundance. I have spent enough of my life coming from a place of poverty, in the way I saw myself and others, the way I perceived and experienced things, in the perspectives and worldviews I had. I’ve had enough of that way of thinking, living, and being! It brought painful famine into my soul … a sad thing when so much abundance was already present.

So, I choose abundance! I choose to come from and live and be in a place of abundance.

And so these are reminder questions I have for myself, especially when I notice I’m moving into a place of poverty in the thoughts  I’m allowing or feelings I’m feeding:

What is present in this moment that is of abundance?

What is present right now that is beautiful, and is enough?

How can I simply be present now to see what is of abundance in this moment?

What can I place my awareness on that will encourage and deepen abundance in my heart, mind, and soul?

Choosing abundance is really choosing gratitude. Abundance is cultivated through gratitude, and gratitude is cultivated through mindful awareness of all the abundance that is present now.

And so, yes, my abundance journal is really a gratitude journal by another name!

Yet, I am going to call it an Abundance Journal because gratitude is both a reminder and a creator of abundance.

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Here’s an excerpt from my Abundance Journal, from just a couple hours of one afternoon:

A hug from one of my children

Kind words from a friend

Smiling at people and receiving smiles in return

An unexpected offer of help

The spacious blue sky

The brilliant gold sunlight

The soft warm breeze, air fresh and sparkling clear from recent rains

Lush green grass and the peonies budding out, in bright shades of pink

Supple strong young trees in my yard and the mature trees in other yards, soaring into the sky, all cloaked in various shades of green robes

The petunia in the flowerpot that was a Mother’s Day gift from a little daughter

The fact that I am sitting here in the sunshine in this body and that I can feel myself sitting here, connecting with nature

I am breathing

My mind is clear and my heart at ease, right here and right now … abundance of peace and stillness

How rich I see that I am!

Restorative Justice, Part 1

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

My tagline says, “mindfully speaking and living love, compassion, and justice.” Since I’ve shared much already about love and compassion, perhaps it’s time to begin talking more about justice, to echo the belovedness of justice, to implore a justice that echoes and encourages belovedness.

The things that I have been sharing with you – deep listening; watering seeds of grace, gratitude, and goodness; even the practice of equanimity, finding emotional and spiritual steadiness – all lead into the notion of a justice of belovedness, also. These practices are mindfulness practices, but also justice practices, about first dealing with our own selves in just ways, then seeking to deal with others in just ways. Just communication, just interactions, just relationships … healing communication, healing interactions, healing relationships.

I’ve used the phrase ‘restorative justice,’ or ‘transformative justice,’ in past posts, and I’m feeling moved to share about what those words mean, what they mean to me. I decided to research into the concept more deeply, and learned so much about restorative justice as an alternative to the current criminal justice system presently dominant in this country (and many others) – a retributive rather a restorative system.

I do want to share more about the spirit and practices of restorative vs retributive justice and the relationship of suffering and social justice. Indeed, I even have a lot about it written already, but there is only so much that can be crammed into one post, which is why I decided to turn this topic into a multi-part series of posts!

However, I realized I wanted, needed, first to clarify what I was initially envisioning when I spoke of ‘restorative justice,’ to lay as clear a foundation as I can. I was centering upon a mindful relational and spiritual perspective, about healing and restoring the imbalances of justice that exist in the very way we perceive and live in relationship and interact with one another. Yes, the social aspects then follow; reformation or transformation of social structures, of the criminal justice system. Restorative justice flows into and blends with social justice.

But first, I simply want to look at what I see as a major root of restorative justice, a reason for the need and the value of it. I see it as the root because I tend to see life and living and relationships through a spiritual lens, a lens of mindful spirituality, and because I am deeply concerned with and passionate about the healing of our souls, healing of the collective soul of society. Restorative justice for the soul, for the spirit.

These verses, shared with me at the beginning of Lent, opened to me a beautiful, practical, transcendent, living view of restorative justice, what it looks like both in spirit and in action:

Isaiah 58

6.Is not this the fast that I choose                                                                    to loose the bonds of injustice                                                                          to undo the thongs of the yoke,                                                                         to let the oppressed go free,                                                                          and to break every yoke?

7.Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,                                                and bring the homeless poor into your house …

8.Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,                                       and your healing shall spring up quickly; …                                                          

9. … If you remove the yoke from among you;                                               the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil

10.If you offer your food to the hungry                                                         and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,                                                           then your light shall rise in the darkness                                                    and your gloom be like the noonday.

These verses speak of suffering, of justice that is due the suffering, the oppressed, the burdened, the poor. Justice blended with service of love and compassion. This means to do not only charitable acts, but to advocate for deep change, as we are aware and able.

A restorative justice, is it not, to loose the bonds of injustice and to let the oppressed go free? To break every yoke of oppression, every spiritual yoke, every societal yoke, every yoke of inequality, placed upon our fellow human beings. Ones we have placed there, or ones others have, that matters little, except that together, we can and indeed must remove those yokes from among us, break them. Break them, so that those who have been broken by them might be able to stand, be whole …

I think we can all understand what some of those yokes may be, when we look deeply into the conflicts and suffering in the world, in the USA. Perhaps some of us are wearing yokes from which we need to go free … yokes of suffering or injustices … or yokes we wear because we’ve placed such yokes on others, intentionally or not.

This restorative justice begins within our own minds, hearts, and souls, an inner work of awareness and healing change that flows outward, ever outward, like light breaking forth. An inner work of restoration that first breaks within us whatever spiritual or psychological yokes we suffer under; that sets us free, free to practice with belovedness the work of restorative justice. To me, that’s what the fast I choose today looks like, in my being, my living.

This is the beginning of restorative justice. Beginning from the root, beginning within us, you and I. Beginning from the root and rising upward and outward, a justice of belovedness that first flows into us, flows from us, flows into our families, all our relationships with others, with strangers, with enemies … until there are no strangers, no enemies, no ‘others’, no ‘us vs. them.’

A justice of belovedness that flows like a river into our communities, our social institutions and structures.

A justice that flows across cultures and unites us, restored in wholeness to one another … restored and returned to the state of love, equality in love. A return to and restoration of the human connection, wherein is healing.

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I know this is a lot to absorb (!), but if you would take away one thing, let it be this: what does restorative justice mean to you, and in what spiritual and/or practical ways can or would you practice and live it?

 

 

 

 

Balancing act

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

If you’ve been reading along, you might have noticed that I have mentioned ‘balance’ a number of times. It’s something that matters a lot to me, something I’m always attempting to find and maintain, but wow, can it be elusive … or illusive! Just when I might feel tempted to pat myself on the back just a bit and think, with wonder, oh, look, I’ve got myself, my thinking, my writing, my living, in balance … well, then I get bumped, and well, lose balance!

Equanimity is another word I love, and it’s a word that is about ‘balance’ – maintaining an emotional, mental, spiritual steadiness. Even in the bumpier, rougher times. Equanimity is about noticing both the light and the dark, the heavy thoughts and the lighter ones, the joys and the sorrows, the happiness and the suffering, and being able to hold them both, having the space to hold them both.

I’d like to think I can do that, and I can, but if I’m honest, I can only do it imperfectly! The gifts of imperfection, indeed … learning that it’s okay to be off-balance sometimes, that sometimes there are gifts in the off-balance feelings and experiences, that  in them there are important lessons and opportunities to grow (and become better balanced!).

The word ‘equanimity’ comes from Latin roots meaning ‘even’ and ‘mind’ – even mind, a balance of mind. An even mind, holding even seemingly contrasting observations, thoughts, emotions, experiences, memories in awareness, at once, as one. A story that illustrates this so beautifully and clearly comes from a book I’ve read (and re-read, and would recommend!) called Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. It explains the neuro-cognitive effects and physiological processes involved in mindfulness and meditation, written with a clear, eloquent, spiritual elegance.

As the story goes, a Buddhist teacher was journeying on a boat down the Ganges River, in India, at dawn. On the left bank of the river were ancient temples and towers bathed in the blushing glow of the rising sun. On the other bank of the river were burning funeral pyres, with wails of mourning rising with the smoke. She was seeing life and beauty on the one side, death and sorrow on the other, with her heart wide open enough to encompass and accept both. Not letting the view of suffering cancel out the view of beauty, not denying the feeling of sorrow in favor of the feeling of joy. Acknowledging both, holding both in awareness.

It’s not either/or. It’s both/and. Life is both/and. Equanimity, balance, is found in the both/and.

Equanimity isn’t seeking, striving, to reconcile or even to justify jarring juxtapositions, things that are seemingly irreconcilable, but rather to accept their present existence – whether within ourselves or within others, in the world, where suffering and violence contrast with goodness and grace. To see both and yet to see beyond … to see the potential of goodness and belovedness arising, even from smoke and ashes. Beauty from ashes, beauty with ashes.

To see beauty in our own selves even through intimate acquaintance with our imperfections, to value our strength even in our weakness, to accept the both/and of the darkness and the light in us. To acknowledge the both/and of goodness and wrongness, of death and life, in us … to love ourselves with the love of belovedness in all of that.

Heart wide open … to accept alike the off-balance times as well as the in-balance times, the difficult emotions as well as the pleasurable ones. Heart wide open, mind even … to know that the seeds of happiness are still there, still can be watered. Heart wide open, mind even … to know that balance returns.

I have to remind myself of that often, it seems … on the days that I feel like I am so unmindful, critical or ungracious; the moments that I feel like I am failing as a mother, struggling to be patient with my children; the times that suffering and violence in the world cause me to feel broken with anger or sorrow; the moments where I doubt I am echoing much belovedness into the world, and wonder if my words, my life, my actions, my motives are in harmony (in balance!). To allow myself to believe I can have equanimity about feeling off-balance … or about living in an off-balance world!

Remember belovedness, balance returns …

Equanimity – heart wide open, even mind. The grace of acceptance, balance, and compassion. Holding space and stillness, space for stillness. Holding space and belovedness, space for belovedness.

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Now that I shared some about equanimity and balance and how I experience them (or seek to experience them!), I want to leave you with some questions! How would you define/describe equanimity for yourself? Balance? What do those things mean to you? How do you experience them? How would you like to experience them?

 

What seeds are we watering?

/ Lanae / 2 Comments

Already we’ve looked at deep listening as a practice of mindfulness, being deeply present with others, seeing them as they are. Watering seeds is another part or practice of mindfulness, learning to look deeply to see and understand what seeds we are watering, and to practice watering wholesome seeds. We all are watering seeds! Are we aware what seeds we are watering?

Living mindfully is being mindful of the seeds within, mindful of our consciousness as storing seeds of all kinds, of all potential roots and fruits, mindful of what seeds we are watering. Our perceptions, thoughts, emotions – these are seeds that become rooted as patterns of thinking, acting, interacting. How well do we know the seeds we are watering?

Wholesome seeds, unwholesome seeds. Seeds in which either wholesomeness or unwholesomeness could arise, depending on how we water and nurture them.

Love, happiness, compassion, gratitude, kindness, joy, peace … wholesome seeds sowing goodness and grace.

Fear, doubt, anger, conceit, suffering, violence, hate … unwholesome seeds sowing discord and division.

Desire and passion, abundantly present. Seeds that seem to have both joy-creating and sorrow-creating potential.

All of these seeds can be in all of us. In us all are seeds of potential for a vast, diverse array of feelings and actions; the presence of both wholesome and unwholesome seeds, the capacity to choose to water either. But what do we choose to water? What we choose to think or read about, to focus on, our everyday activities … these things water seeds within us … and within others, also. We are interconnected, so in some way, what I water in myself, I water in you, in my friends, in my family, in someone around the world.

Sometimes we judge the seeds we think are present in others, or the seeds we think are present in ourselves. Sometimes, we might want to deny certain seeds are within us, such as fears, prejudices, or anger. Or we might want to destroy those particular seeds, and as we would with weeds in our gardens, seek to uproot them ruthlessly.

For example, I used to be angry at my anger, angry that it existed and lived in me, afraid of it. Ashamed of it. So, my practice was to try to destroy the destructive seed. And yet, being angry at anger, being afraid of it, being ashamed of it, waters it. Denying anger waters it. Reacting and thinking of it in emotionally violent ways feeds it, waters it. Deepens its roots and spreads its growth, while it takes up space, creates further suffering … This is true for other unwholesome seeds, in ourselves, or even in society.

But when I learned to practice acceptance and compassion toward my anger and myself for having it, an intriguing thing happened: its roots, its vines, its toxic presence and power withered. Watering seeds of compassion and forgiveness, helped more to master my anger, than any other act of striving against it.

When acknowledged but not watered, then unwholesome seeds cannot grow in unhealthy ways. Other wholesome seeds then have liberty and space for flourishing!

However, the energy of anger, of passion, can be constructively channeled into doing genuine good, helping motivate change. Courage and boldness to speak truths about injustices, to advocate and act for change, to plant seeds of restorative justice. But to make this possible, many other seeds must be mindfully watered, seeds of hope and compassion, understanding and desire for peace, love and belovedness, seeds that produce balance.

The seeds we water affect our experience of the Divine, our relationship with ourselves, with one another, children, parents, partners, everyone. To choose to water wholesome seeds in ourselves is to bring a healing influence first to ourselves and that influence spreads out, like ripples from a stone cast upon the water. In living this practice, we can change ourselves, our world, the world of another, even the whole world, simply by the seeds we water.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says:

“To touch the seeds of joy, peace, and love within you is a very important practice. You can ask your friends to do the same for you. If you love someone, you acknowledge their positive seeds…. [W]atering the seeds in one person is a very concrete practice of love. If you love me, please refrain from watering only the seeds of anger, despair, and hatred in me. If you love me, recognize the seeds of joy, gladness, peace, and solidity in me also and touch them, several times a day. That will help me grow in the direction of health, joy, and happiness.”

What a beautiful, practical act of love to offer each other: to look deeply, see the positive seed, and water those seeds! Why water negative seeds in someone when we want to help positive ones grow? Look for the good in our families, our children, co-workers, friends, strangers on the street, and water it … believe the seeds of good are there, find them, water them! Here’s the best relationship, parenting, spiritual-growth, or life advice I have today – find the seeds of good and water them!

While watering the good, let’s not deny or ignore the seeds of suffering in others, as that waters such seeds. Remember, listening deeply and wholly to someone’s pain, anger, despair, or fears and sorrows, is one way of watering seeds of comfort and compassion in them … so that those seeds in them could begin to flourish in and fill them. Deep listening and watering seeds go together! Can we, will we, offer these acts of service, these acts of belovedness, for ourselves and others?

What seeds are we watering in each other, in our communities, our churches or fellowship gatherings … our societies, our governments, our nations, and our world – our Earth?? Seeds of gratitude and grace? Seeds of peace and liberty? Seeds of hope and compassion? Seeds of belovedness?