Recently, I read a book called Sacred Time, and the search for Meaning, about time, our seeking and longing for sacred time. Sacred time as time that’s different than clock time … time measured in the depth of timeless meaning contained within it, time that is not-time, time that is like the Eternal Now. Or, as it’s sometimes called, Kairos, God’s time … Sacred Time.
The more rushed we are, the more we seek this time, we seek ways to carve out this time in the midst of all the rush and stress and busyness and expectations of modern life. Sacred time, Sabbath time … timeless time.
Technology and social media were perhaps supposed to grant us this time, this liberty of time, and yet seem to have instead robbed us … robbed us of sacred time, robbed us of connection, connection to rest, to stillness, to one another …
Leaving us with a longing and craving for this sacred time.
And I realized, I long for it, too, and something more – and maybe I’m not the only one!
I desire deeply to have sacred time IN my friendships.
Sacred friendship time – time that’s timeless, time not measured by the clock, not scheduled, but spacious, with the liberty to be. Friendship time where time is forgotten, where it’s not the master (or mistress), where watches and planners and phones are set aside, and we just ARE … We just are there, we just are who we are, hearts and souls in sacred time together, in sacred conversation and connection.
I know our modern world doesn’t exactly allow this … but what if it did? What if we together remade it to allow this?
What if we defied the rush and press of clock time and created such sacred spaces in our own lives?! What boundless abundance might we discover?
I think there’s as much a seeking and a longing for sacred friendships as there is for sacred time. Only, I suspect many aren’t deeply or keenly aware of a need, or of a lack, and perhaps seek either to ignore it or to fill it in other ways, with work or other activities, things that are needful, valuable, beautiful in themselves …
Yet, are those things as fruitful as they could be if they fill available time at the expense of nurturing sacred friendships, soul connections? Are they as fruitful for the individual soul or the soul of the community, the world?
Is life itself as rich and fruitful and meaningful without the presence of sacred friendships, soul connections, soul friends?
I don’t think so. Not for me, anyway!
Maybe it’s harder to nurture those sacred friendships, to find those soul friends, when sacred time itself is so hard to find … but maybe the secret for finding both is to become still, to become very present in your life, and allow yourself to be found by them!
So, what is a sacred friendship? A soul friend? What do those concepts, truths, mean to you?
Here’s how I know sacred friendship:
It invites and cultivates a strong spiritual connection. It’s a spiritually intimate friendship, where deeper things can be shared: ideas, emotions, fears, needs, wounds – not just at mind-depth, not just at heart-depth, but also at soul-depth.
A friendship where deep vulnerability and transparency are present … where each of you is safe to be deeply vulnerable and transparent with one another. Where there’s safety because each of you loves the soul, and the heart, of the other …
A friendship where not just the social and emotional needs are met, but also the soul needs.
You are friends with each other’s souls …
In the Celtic tradition, Anam Cara is the term for soul friend … some lovely, powerful things have been said about what Anam Cara means:
A soul friend is one who walks with and supports the soul of another human being.
Or, as John O’Donohue writes:
The Anam Cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging. [It] cuts across all convention and category.
And:
In everyone’s life, there is great need for an Anam cara, a soul friend. In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of acquaintance fall away. You can be as you truly are …
Such a rich, restorative sacredness in that sort of relationship! Such a safeness, a spacious safeness, perhaps not for the ego, but certainly for the soul.
I think there’s a longing for such meaningful friendships within many of us … yet also perhaps a fear.
Because it means vulnerability and authenticity, a realness and an honesty … an intimacy that perhaps seems too deep, or too intense.
Yet, it’s not an intimacy that needs to feel frightening … or be consuming. It can be, should be, an intimacy that’s comforting, spacious, expansive, generous … an expansive closeness, full of grace and space. As the poet Khalil Gibran said – Let there be spaces in your togetherness …
Spaces of stillness or physical apartness…
But perhaps the first soul friend you need to seek and find is yourself, to befriend your own soul. Because you are never truly apart from yourself … wherever you go, there you are!
Learn how to be with yourself in stillness. And in the stillness, awaken to know and love your own soul …
And then, you are awakened to the sacredness in your relationships … and your soul friends find you! And you can love yourself, and your neighbor as yourself.
Oh, I am so grateful for soul friends I’ve had in my life … who have held a mirror up to me, so I could see my soul reflected there.
Who have loved me as I am, and have encouraged me to live in truth and love …
Who have explored deep places with me, and have taught me precious, wise things …
Who have seen my darkness and walked with me in it, and have been the flame that kept my candle lit …
Who have not been afraid to speak the truth, even hard things, in love, and yet have known when to keep silence in love …
Who have known how to hold space and when to give space.
My soul gives thanks for you!
********************************************************
Oh my friends, may you all be blessed and bless yourselves with sacred time, sacred friendships … your souls and lives nurtured and nourished through spacious and gracious relationship!