Tag: belovedness

Saying ‘Yes!’ to belovedness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Over the last few years, I’ve tried to keep a spiritual journal of sorts. Not a diary for recounting daily events, but for working out spiritual musings and philosophical ponderings, or making feeble attempts at poetry sometimes, too!

Now and then, it’s an adventure to go back and read ‘old’ words … to re-learn or reclaim forgotten insights, lessons, or experiences. Or to feel like I am indeed on a spiral staircase, circling around the same themes in my life and mind and soul …

So it happened again … As I opened up my journal to write, thinking “Oh, I need to return to belovedness, find a clear ‘Yes’ to it again, not water seeds of bitterness,” the page fell open to an entry from November 20 (2015) that was like a return to a familiar landing on the spiral staircase! Like, haven’t I been on this step before, looked out this tower window??

The external scenery of my journey is different, yet there was a sense of returning to a familiar inner landscape! The realization, “I’ve been here before; but what more is there I need to learn this time?”

And so chimed another mindfulness bell … or the same mindfulness bell, again …

In words I’m sharing below just as they flowed out then …

The last few days have been intense – just rather a deep swelling psychic sense of a ‘NO’ arising in this land, crying:

No! No, we will not take in refugees; No, we do not want Muslims here; No, we do not want Syrians (etc., etc., etc.) here;

No, we do not think the world will ever be anything other than broken and no, we do not think love or goodness is the true nature of humanity … evil and violence is and will always be;

No, we do not think love will win; no, belovedness is not greater than fear!

It has made my ‘YES’ feel so lost in the resounding cacophony of that ‘NO’ … and has broken my heart.

But I find now, again, that the strength and quiet, peaceful power of a conviction of Ultimate truth of belovedness has returned to my ‘YES’. I will keep saying ‘YES,’ I will keep saying all are beloved, I will keep saying ‘Belovedness is …

To clarify, the reference points for those words are the Paris attacks, the rising anguish and awareness around ISIS/the Syrian refugee situation, and the powerful, visceral emotional reactions in the U.S. and globally to these and other  crises. (And please hold in mind that this isn’t meant as political commentary – it’s a soul-cry – it’s spiritual (social/spiritual) commentary, if anything! I’m not a political activist, I’m more a social justice advocate with a spiritual approach, a spiritual advocate or perhaps a mindfulness messenger.)

Though those events are past, they still seem to be present, somehow – unresolved, unreconciled, unhealed. And the words above remain relevant because our shared societal spiral staircase always seems to be taking us to these points of political, social, and spiritual crises … where both the NO! and the YES! voices are resounding, on scores of personal, social, political, racial issues.

Awareness and change are happening rapidly, things are shifting, evolving. In the midst of it, there is fear, there is hope, sometimes a fearful hopelessness, sometimes a fearful hopefulness …

And the words are relevant to my own personal journey, my own inner ‘climbing of the spiral staircase’ … for me personally, change is happening rapidly also, things are shifting, evolving on many levels in my life, from deep internal places to external circumstances. And just as before, my ‘Yes’ to belovedness has started feeling lost, blurred, frayed … and my ‘No’ to anger, impatience, bitterness, and negativity has been waning.

I needed (continually need) a mindfulness bell to remind me I am beloved, to remind me of my ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to knit any unraveling edges back into the fabric of belovedness. To remind me to accept change and to embrace and heal my pain and difficult emotions with the ‘Yes’ of belovedness. To find strength and grace in focusing on that ‘Yes.’

I think so do we all, so does our beloved country, so does the world often need a mindfulness bell, in whatever form it takes … to remind us we are all beloved, we all belong in belovedness. To teach us to declare and to live a communal ‘Yes’ to love, compassion, hope,  justice … to say ‘Yes’ to loving ourselves and one another and ‘No’ to causing ourselves and one another suffering.

For where there’s a ‘Yes,’ there’s a ‘No’ …  saying ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to compassion, to peace, to justice, to forgiveness, to hope, to grace, to freedom, to open-mindedness and equanimity, is also saying ‘No’ to fear or being ruled by it, violence, prejudice, injustice, inaction, indifference, poverty, oppression … a ‘No’ that must be clear!

Yet what seems most needful is not so much to declare the ‘No’ against suffering as to proclaim the ‘Yes’ for liberation from suffering … to be the ‘YES’!

And even when a fearful or cynical ‘No’ seems so loud and dominant, listen for the powerful, peaceful ‘Yes’ that’s still present, in you, in others, in the world … and amplify it!

Live the ‘Yes’ … make your life a resounding ‘Yes’ to love, grace, hope, justice, mindfulness!

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*** I also wrote a poem with this journal entry, but I’m not including it all here. I’m working on creating a separate section/category specifically for poetry. Right now, it’s here: Always yes, always beloved, always belovedness ***

       

Reflections about my blogging …

/ Lanae / 5 Comments

I have felt rather quiet recently … and without much idea of what I might talk about in another post.

Well, maybe some of that feeling is related to the unkind little flu-bug I have been dealing with the last while that left me feeling like a trainwreck, muddle-headed, with fire in my joints and muscles! That’s probably as good of a reason as any to take a time of rest – and let some things go, let others wait … well, except graduate students do still have to get their schoolwork in on time, muddle-headed and all!

And some of that feeling is related to evaluating what I am doing with this blog … or what this blog is doing with me, too! Looking at the desires and intentions, the vision, I had for this space to be a space of connection and conversation and looking at whether it really feels like a comfortable and inviting space to you all … is there a significant divergence between my intentions and vision and my actual creation? That the direction I wanted to go, stated I wanted to go, is not exactly the direction in which I find myself having gone?

Well, divergence happens, direction changes happen … and then perhaps direction corrections are in order, but perhaps sometimes not! Perhaps sometimes the “right” direction is the one you find yourself having gone, whether it was the one intended or planned. And it’s good to remember that often the destination can be approached from many different directions … there isn’t only one right path all the time!

And is it the precise direction or path that matters most – or the vision? Which leads? Perhaps the vision creates the right direction for itself …

I know sometimes I have written in a much more scholarly or teacher-ly (yes, I make up words sometimes! 😉 ) tone. Or sometimes maybe too abstract! And possibly this isn’t the right direction to go to create a ‘connection and conversation space,’ a relatable and vulnerable space. Then again, there really are many ways to create connection and conversation, to engage in connection and conversation!

And so perhaps I’m learning from this blog and what it’s doing with me that I need to be more mindful of my style of connection and conversation … to be mindful of how I can clarify and simplify the vision and the message I want to share, how I can clarify and simplify the way I share it!

And yet, I have been writing with my heart, my heart and my mind both, my soul and my intellect, with my own voice, offering authentic offerings … my blog itself is an imperfect, but authentic, offering. And I say ‘authentic’ because the messages I share and what I offer of myself there is not tailored to fit what I think anyone wants to hear or what I think anyone wants me to be … but it is coming from what I believe, what I belove, who I am seeking to be and to become.

But beyond the intention to craft a ‘connection and a conversation space,’ my deepest desire and vision is simply belovedness. Belovedness, I believe, has been in everything I’ve shared here … have the echoes of belovedness always been clear, have the bells of belovedness always resounded clearly? I hope so, oh how I hope so, because belovedness is my deepest intention, my clearest direction, my abiding vision …

So what vision is leading, then? Oh, the vision, the spirit, that is leading is Belovedness! That’s what this blog will always be most about … so that is what will create the direction.

Sometimes, though as I’ve been learning and learning and re-learning, just stopping and being still for a while, taking a rest, a Sabbath time, is the necessary thing to bring clarity … of both direction and vision. Being still, being patient. Letting things unfold. Letting the vision lead. Letting the journey, the direction fall into rhythm and harmony with the vision …

And perhaps what this blog is doing with me is teaching me simply to surrender … to take refuge in surrender.

To surrender my fears and fretting about the direction of this blog, about the direction of my life … to surrender my doubts and my discomfort with uncertainty … to surrender my overthinking and my impatience. To surrender my insecurity and my striving to be significant or influential …

Just to surrender to being vulnerable and to being humble …

To surrender more to mindfulness and to Belovedness!

Then, clarity and simplicity can come … and vision clears, the “right” direction, the “right” path, opens and unfolds.

On that note, I’ll sign off with a little poem I wrote this past November:

The stillness is heavenly                                                                                        
a November autumn day
gold still hanging on a few fine branches
like rare pendants adorning the trees
Gentle letting go still happening
as the colors of fall
drift from tree to grassy
resting places
A stillness today
And all the letting go
seems so gentle
today
Surrender, not loss
Surrender is triumph
in stillness
today
The light fresh and free
flowing still
flowering the air
with cool calm
Heavenly is the stillness
in the world and in I

The idea of happiness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

Instead of ending with questions, as I sometimes like to do, I’ll begin with them this time!

What is your idea of happiness? What is your idea of what will create happiness for you; what are your conditions of happiness?

How do you envision or define happiness?

Happiness may mean something a bit different to each of us; each of us may have our own idea(s) of happiness, a set of conditions attached to it. ‘If I have this …,’ ‘if I am that …’

But I wonder if perhaps sometimes, whatever our idea of happiness is, if that is itself the very thing that stands in the way of knowing and living in happiness?

And I wonder if perhaps a deeper happiness is found instead by letting go of ideas of happiness we’re attached to, letting go of what we think our happiness should be, so that it can be what it is. So that we can be awake to it in us, awake to our seeds of happiness, awake to ways of watering those seeds.

What if the truth of happiness is that it’s not a passing sensation, a fleeting mood, but that it’s a way of being, a state of being? A deeply rooted inner state of well-being, a self-compassionate well-being … whatever outward conditions or other emotional challenges may be present.

As a mindfulness saying I keep in mind goes … “my happiness depends on my mental attitude, not on external conditions … looking within, I am aware I have enough conditions to be happy right now.”

Some conditional ideas of happiness might even be in the way we think we ‘should’ be inside, though, a striving for a ‘perfect’ mental/emotional state of being …

Such as, ‘I should always be positive;’ ‘I shouldn’t have or express many dark, negative, or intense emotions;’ ‘I should be serene and even-keeled!’ At least, these are ideas of happiness I noticed in myself … I even remember a dear friend calling me out on it once! I was struggling with the fact that I was struggling with some intense, uncomfortable feelings and she said, “Part of it is that you think you should always be happy!”

Then I saw that, yes, I did … and yes, I was judging myself for being unhappy right then, for what I perceived as a failure of mindfulness and equanimity within myself. Shaming myself for what seemed a return to an unhappy, less balanced way of being …

Having learned about mindfulness, I had the notion I should struggle less with intense emotion, not have to wrestle all night for the blessing of peace, so to speak. Actually, this idea itself was acting as a barrier to my happiness … a more authentic, if imperfect, happiness!

But happiness is an inclusive way of being, also accepting moments of unhappiness or intense emotions that come as normal and not to be shunned or judged as ‘wrong’ or ‘flawed,’ somehow sins against happiness. Suffering, sadness, guilt, grief, loneliness, anger, anxiety, embarrassment, envy … all common threads in the tapestry of human emotional experience.

Sometimes, an idea of happiness may be that it’s found in the absence of painful or intense emotions. But happiness rests in a peace with their presence, when they’re present, knowing that pain or suffering in whatever form is not the sum of our existence, the absolute Truth of our being.

Happiness is noticing what else is present at the moment, here and now. What of grace is there also present to touch?

Is it realistic to expect that happiness means sailing a calm, calm sea without waves? No waves, just deep, still water … and only sunshine, no clouds? What is a realistic, mindful vision of happiness?

I love a metaphor I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh … waves are a part of the water, but not the sum of it, not the whole of the ocean. Waves are a part of the nature of water, of the ocean, but not the whole of its nature. When there are waves, the water is still water. And even when there are waves of water on the surface, or storms, deep below the water remains still.

So it is with the difficult emotions. They are the waves that come, but they are not the whole of our nature, our being. They are only a part of us, of who we are. And in the deeps, can still be the stillness … a stillness that gives us strength to be with, even in, the waves … and to know they shall never overflow us.

Happiness, or equanimity, also means understanding and accepting that many waves do come, because it is the nature of things that they come, but they are not the sum of the water, of the ocean … of us.

Happiness is holding onto self-compassion even when feeling tossed upon or carried by those waves, knowing that they aren’t the whole truth, they don’t represent the absolute nature of reality … that is, Love, which is always present.

And so, I have begun learning to let go of the idea of happiness as one long, flowing all-encompassing state of perfect peace or joy that fills every moment.

Instead, I am learning to let my happiness be in knowing Love, in remembering that I am beloved and can live in the way of belovedness, and in reminding myself to listen for the echoes of belovedness. To find stillness, even within painful emotions, and listen for the echoes of belovedness in them.

What, then, is your happiness?

**** I was going to leave you with a photo captioned with the quote, Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness … but it wouldn’t work, so I will just leave you with the quote itself! 🙂 ****

 

Restorative Justice, Part 1

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

My tagline says, “mindfully speaking and living love, compassion, and justice.” Since I’ve shared much already about love and compassion, perhaps it’s time to begin talking more about justice, to echo the belovedness of justice, to implore a justice that echoes and encourages belovedness.

The things that I have been sharing with you – deep listening; watering seeds of grace, gratitude, and goodness; even the practice of equanimity, finding emotional and spiritual steadiness – all lead into the notion of a justice of belovedness, also. These practices are mindfulness practices, but also justice practices, about first dealing with our own selves in just ways, then seeking to deal with others in just ways. Just communication, just interactions, just relationships … healing communication, healing interactions, healing relationships.

I’ve used the phrase ‘restorative justice,’ or ‘transformative justice,’ in past posts, and I’m feeling moved to share about what those words mean, what they mean to me. I decided to research into the concept more deeply, and learned so much about restorative justice as an alternative to the current criminal justice system presently dominant in this country (and many others) – a retributive rather a restorative system.

I do want to share more about the spirit and practices of restorative vs retributive justice and the relationship of suffering and social justice. Indeed, I even have a lot about it written already, but there is only so much that can be crammed into one post, which is why I decided to turn this topic into a multi-part series of posts!

However, I realized I wanted, needed, first to clarify what I was initially envisioning when I spoke of ‘restorative justice,’ to lay as clear a foundation as I can. I was centering upon a mindful relational and spiritual perspective, about healing and restoring the imbalances of justice that exist in the very way we perceive and live in relationship and interact with one another. Yes, the social aspects then follow; reformation or transformation of social structures, of the criminal justice system. Restorative justice flows into and blends with social justice.

But first, I simply want to look at what I see as a major root of restorative justice, a reason for the need and the value of it. I see it as the root because I tend to see life and living and relationships through a spiritual lens, a lens of mindful spirituality, and because I am deeply concerned with and passionate about the healing of our souls, healing of the collective soul of society. Restorative justice for the soul, for the spirit.

These verses, shared with me at the beginning of Lent, opened to me a beautiful, practical, transcendent, living view of restorative justice, what it looks like both in spirit and in action:

Isaiah 58

6.Is not this the fast that I choose                                                                    to loose the bonds of injustice                                                                          to undo the thongs of the yoke,                                                                         to let the oppressed go free,                                                                          and to break every yoke?

7.Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,                                                and bring the homeless poor into your house …

8.Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,                                       and your healing shall spring up quickly; …                                                          

9. … If you remove the yoke from among you;                                               the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil

10.If you offer your food to the hungry                                                         and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,                                                           then your light shall rise in the darkness                                                    and your gloom be like the noonday.

These verses speak of suffering, of justice that is due the suffering, the oppressed, the burdened, the poor. Justice blended with service of love and compassion. This means to do not only charitable acts, but to advocate for deep change, as we are aware and able.

A restorative justice, is it not, to loose the bonds of injustice and to let the oppressed go free? To break every yoke of oppression, every spiritual yoke, every societal yoke, every yoke of inequality, placed upon our fellow human beings. Ones we have placed there, or ones others have, that matters little, except that together, we can and indeed must remove those yokes from among us, break them. Break them, so that those who have been broken by them might be able to stand, be whole …

I think we can all understand what some of those yokes may be, when we look deeply into the conflicts and suffering in the world, in the USA. Perhaps some of us are wearing yokes from which we need to go free … yokes of suffering or injustices … or yokes we wear because we’ve placed such yokes on others, intentionally or not.

This restorative justice begins within our own minds, hearts, and souls, an inner work of awareness and healing change that flows outward, ever outward, like light breaking forth. An inner work of restoration that first breaks within us whatever spiritual or psychological yokes we suffer under; that sets us free, free to practice with belovedness the work of restorative justice. To me, that’s what the fast I choose today looks like, in my being, my living.

This is the beginning of restorative justice. Beginning from the root, beginning within us, you and I. Beginning from the root and rising upward and outward, a justice of belovedness that first flows into us, flows from us, flows into our families, all our relationships with others, with strangers, with enemies … until there are no strangers, no enemies, no ‘others’, no ‘us vs. them.’

A justice of belovedness that flows like a river into our communities, our social institutions and structures.

A justice that flows across cultures and unites us, restored in wholeness to one another … restored and returned to the state of love, equality in love. A return to and restoration of the human connection, wherein is healing.

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I know this is a lot to absorb (!), but if you would take away one thing, let it be this: what does restorative justice mean to you, and in what spiritual and/or practical ways can or would you practice and live it?

 

 

 

 

Balancing act

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

If you’ve been reading along, you might have noticed that I have mentioned ‘balance’ a number of times. It’s something that matters a lot to me, something I’m always attempting to find and maintain, but wow, can it be elusive … or illusive! Just when I might feel tempted to pat myself on the back just a bit and think, with wonder, oh, look, I’ve got myself, my thinking, my writing, my living, in balance … well, then I get bumped, and well, lose balance!

Equanimity is another word I love, and it’s a word that is about ‘balance’ – maintaining an emotional, mental, spiritual steadiness. Even in the bumpier, rougher times. Equanimity is about noticing both the light and the dark, the heavy thoughts and the lighter ones, the joys and the sorrows, the happiness and the suffering, and being able to hold them both, having the space to hold them both.

I’d like to think I can do that, and I can, but if I’m honest, I can only do it imperfectly! The gifts of imperfection, indeed … learning that it’s okay to be off-balance sometimes, that sometimes there are gifts in the off-balance feelings and experiences, that  in them there are important lessons and opportunities to grow (and become better balanced!).

The word ‘equanimity’ comes from Latin roots meaning ‘even’ and ‘mind’ – even mind, a balance of mind. An even mind, holding even seemingly contrasting observations, thoughts, emotions, experiences, memories in awareness, at once, as one. A story that illustrates this so beautifully and clearly comes from a book I’ve read (and re-read, and would recommend!) called Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. It explains the neuro-cognitive effects and physiological processes involved in mindfulness and meditation, written with a clear, eloquent, spiritual elegance.

As the story goes, a Buddhist teacher was journeying on a boat down the Ganges River, in India, at dawn. On the left bank of the river were ancient temples and towers bathed in the blushing glow of the rising sun. On the other bank of the river were burning funeral pyres, with wails of mourning rising with the smoke. She was seeing life and beauty on the one side, death and sorrow on the other, with her heart wide open enough to encompass and accept both. Not letting the view of suffering cancel out the view of beauty, not denying the feeling of sorrow in favor of the feeling of joy. Acknowledging both, holding both in awareness.

It’s not either/or. It’s both/and. Life is both/and. Equanimity, balance, is found in the both/and.

Equanimity isn’t seeking, striving, to reconcile or even to justify jarring juxtapositions, things that are seemingly irreconcilable, but rather to accept their present existence – whether within ourselves or within others, in the world, where suffering and violence contrast with goodness and grace. To see both and yet to see beyond … to see the potential of goodness and belovedness arising, even from smoke and ashes. Beauty from ashes, beauty with ashes.

To see beauty in our own selves even through intimate acquaintance with our imperfections, to value our strength even in our weakness, to accept the both/and of the darkness and the light in us. To acknowledge the both/and of goodness and wrongness, of death and life, in us … to love ourselves with the love of belovedness in all of that.

Heart wide open … to accept alike the off-balance times as well as the in-balance times, the difficult emotions as well as the pleasurable ones. Heart wide open, mind even … to know that the seeds of happiness are still there, still can be watered. Heart wide open, mind even … to know that balance returns.

I have to remind myself of that often, it seems … on the days that I feel like I am so unmindful, critical or ungracious; the moments that I feel like I am failing as a mother, struggling to be patient with my children; the times that suffering and violence in the world cause me to feel broken with anger or sorrow; the moments where I doubt I am echoing much belovedness into the world, and wonder if my words, my life, my actions, my motives are in harmony (in balance!). To allow myself to believe I can have equanimity about feeling off-balance … or about living in an off-balance world!

Remember belovedness, balance returns …

Equanimity – heart wide open, even mind. The grace of acceptance, balance, and compassion. Holding space and stillness, space for stillness. Holding space and belovedness, space for belovedness.

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Now that I shared some about equanimity and balance and how I experience them (or seek to experience them!), I want to leave you with some questions! How would you define/describe equanimity for yourself? Balance? What do those things mean to you? How do you experience them? How would you like to experience them?

 

What seeds are we watering?

/ Lanae / 2 Comments

Already we’ve looked at deep listening as a practice of mindfulness, being deeply present with others, seeing them as they are. Watering seeds is another part or practice of mindfulness, learning to look deeply to see and understand what seeds we are watering, and to practice watering wholesome seeds. We all are watering seeds! Are we aware what seeds we are watering?

Living mindfully is being mindful of the seeds within, mindful of our consciousness as storing seeds of all kinds, of all potential roots and fruits, mindful of what seeds we are watering. Our perceptions, thoughts, emotions – these are seeds that become rooted as patterns of thinking, acting, interacting. How well do we know the seeds we are watering?

Wholesome seeds, unwholesome seeds. Seeds in which either wholesomeness or unwholesomeness could arise, depending on how we water and nurture them.

Love, happiness, compassion, gratitude, kindness, joy, peace … wholesome seeds sowing goodness and grace.

Fear, doubt, anger, conceit, suffering, violence, hate … unwholesome seeds sowing discord and division.

Desire and passion, abundantly present. Seeds that seem to have both joy-creating and sorrow-creating potential.

All of these seeds can be in all of us. In us all are seeds of potential for a vast, diverse array of feelings and actions; the presence of both wholesome and unwholesome seeds, the capacity to choose to water either. But what do we choose to water? What we choose to think or read about, to focus on, our everyday activities … these things water seeds within us … and within others, also. We are interconnected, so in some way, what I water in myself, I water in you, in my friends, in my family, in someone around the world.

Sometimes we judge the seeds we think are present in others, or the seeds we think are present in ourselves. Sometimes, we might want to deny certain seeds are within us, such as fears, prejudices, or anger. Or we might want to destroy those particular seeds, and as we would with weeds in our gardens, seek to uproot them ruthlessly.

For example, I used to be angry at my anger, angry that it existed and lived in me, afraid of it. Ashamed of it. So, my practice was to try to destroy the destructive seed. And yet, being angry at anger, being afraid of it, being ashamed of it, waters it. Denying anger waters it. Reacting and thinking of it in emotionally violent ways feeds it, waters it. Deepens its roots and spreads its growth, while it takes up space, creates further suffering … This is true for other unwholesome seeds, in ourselves, or even in society.

But when I learned to practice acceptance and compassion toward my anger and myself for having it, an intriguing thing happened: its roots, its vines, its toxic presence and power withered. Watering seeds of compassion and forgiveness, helped more to master my anger, than any other act of striving against it.

When acknowledged but not watered, then unwholesome seeds cannot grow in unhealthy ways. Other wholesome seeds then have liberty and space for flourishing!

However, the energy of anger, of passion, can be constructively channeled into doing genuine good, helping motivate change. Courage and boldness to speak truths about injustices, to advocate and act for change, to plant seeds of restorative justice. But to make this possible, many other seeds must be mindfully watered, seeds of hope and compassion, understanding and desire for peace, love and belovedness, seeds that produce balance.

The seeds we water affect our experience of the Divine, our relationship with ourselves, with one another, children, parents, partners, everyone. To choose to water wholesome seeds in ourselves is to bring a healing influence first to ourselves and that influence spreads out, like ripples from a stone cast upon the water. In living this practice, we can change ourselves, our world, the world of another, even the whole world, simply by the seeds we water.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says:

“To touch the seeds of joy, peace, and love within you is a very important practice. You can ask your friends to do the same for you. If you love someone, you acknowledge their positive seeds…. [W]atering the seeds in one person is a very concrete practice of love. If you love me, please refrain from watering only the seeds of anger, despair, and hatred in me. If you love me, recognize the seeds of joy, gladness, peace, and solidity in me also and touch them, several times a day. That will help me grow in the direction of health, joy, and happiness.”

What a beautiful, practical act of love to offer each other: to look deeply, see the positive seed, and water those seeds! Why water negative seeds in someone when we want to help positive ones grow? Look for the good in our families, our children, co-workers, friends, strangers on the street, and water it … believe the seeds of good are there, find them, water them! Here’s the best relationship, parenting, spiritual-growth, or life advice I have today – find the seeds of good and water them!

While watering the good, let’s not deny or ignore the seeds of suffering in others, as that waters such seeds. Remember, listening deeply and wholly to someone’s pain, anger, despair, or fears and sorrows, is one way of watering seeds of comfort and compassion in them … so that those seeds in them could begin to flourish in and fill them. Deep listening and watering seeds go together! Can we, will we, offer these acts of service, these acts of belovedness, for ourselves and others?

What seeds are we watering in each other, in our communities, our churches or fellowship gatherings … our societies, our governments, our nations, and our world – our Earth?? Seeds of gratitude and grace? Seeds of peace and liberty? Seeds of hope and compassion? Seeds of belovedness?

Listening with belovedness

/ Lanae / 6 Comments

Since I voiced my desire for this blog to be a ‘conversation space rich in belovedness’, a place where ‘honest, vulnerable conversation and connection’ takes place, it seems good to discuss first an essential part of such conversation – listening. In particular, mindful listening, deep listening. Listening with open-heartedness, listening with belovedness …

But how does such listening apply to writing, to a blog context, to this blog? I’ve been pondering what an intentional listening space looks like in a place where it seems all too easy for the blogger to just do the ‘talking’, or most of it, through content-creating.

I’m usually known as a quiet person, and it’s true, sometimes I am! In group settings, I generally become a listener and an observer, partly because I enjoy understanding the dynamics and patterns at play – and well, partly because I do have a quiet, low voice. However, closer friends know that I am not always quiet, that I have a voice and a lot to say, that there is a deep well of intensity and passion dwelling in my heart and soul, and that sometimes it plentifully, passionately pours forth!

Perhaps this blog is an outlet to pour forth my voice, to be heard and known. But I mean it to be much more than that; I mean it also to be about blending our voices together, listening to each other. Being present together with ourselves, being who we are, hearing and listening to who we truly are, in a space of intentional communication. So, is that possible through a blog?! Yes, yes!

In a blog context, we may not be in each other’s presence, but we certainly can still be richly present with each other. I can (and will!) be present and mindful in how I prepare the words I share and in how I listen and respond to comments; you can be present and mindful in how you read, receive, and reflect upon the words.

What then, is this mindful, deep listening?

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Buddhist master, whose serene wisdom and clear, elegant writing I have come to treasure, teaches and writes about mindful listening, deep listening. Mindfulness is a way of being, of being present, being here now, both with ourselves and with each other. One of the most important practices of mindfulness is deep listening, a very loving way to be present with someone who is sharing themselves with us. Mindful, loving communication and relationships develop through deep listening and loving speech.

Loving speech arises from deep listening. Belovedness arises from deep listening, mindful listening … we can send echoes of belovedness into someone’s heart without even needing to speak, just by being deeply present, listening with full attention and intention. This is the preparation for speaking words of belovedness, words of comfort or counsel, and for actions of belovedness.

Often, we tend to listen (or read) with intent to reply, but what if we listen solely with intent to hear and to understand? What if we listen to or read someone’s words not with intent to debate or to point out wrong perceptions (or ones we feel are possibly wrong), but with intent to learn, to understand, to communicate, to dialogue, to seek reconciliation? That type of listening intent echoes with grace and humility, which are themselves also echoes of belovedness …

Thich Nhat Hanh also speaks of first listening to understand, rather than first seeking to offer counsel or solutions for suffering. Listen for and to the heart of the other person (or group of people), to hear whatever their suffering may be or may have been, to be present with them in that, to enter into their experience and perspective.

It is beautiful and right to have a passion to stand against and to correct injustice and oppression, to do whatever we can to ease suffering, to put solutions into action. But first, be present, listen deeply and mindfully to understand, to perceive clearly, to love deeply. Then we can be prepared to speak and to act for change in ways that add no harm but are healing and liberating.

Listening may not seem like much to do, but it’s a first right thing to do; the essential foundation for deeper ‘doing’. Listening with belovedness is a great gift to give to ourselves, to one another, to all, to the world. A listening presence of belovedness, empty of prejudicial discrimination, full of acceptance and compassion, is so restorative, so healing, with the potential to build strong relationships, create deep change, bring a profound, transformative justice to a world that needs it.

Stepping out of the boat

/ Lanae / 1 Comment

This is a brand-new venture to me, one that in many ways does indeed feel like a ‘stepping out of the boat’ experience! Over the years, a few friends have broached to me the possibility of creating a blog, and while I loved to write and felt I had been granted a gift for it, I felt hesitant to put myself and my words, my thoughts, into public space. Much safer, perhaps, to leave them in a private journal! (And besides that, it’s much easier to start up a journal – just get a nice notebook, maybe with a cool design on the front, a good pen, and start writing. I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the blog design logistics and possibilities, but I’m learning, and I’ll keep learning, and maybe tweaking, as I go!)

It wasn’t only a matter of vulnerability, however, but that the time didn’t seem quite right; I didn’t feel prepared with a clear purpose, vision, or calling. But somehow, these things have settled into place, and so, when a good friend again encouraged me to start a blog, the answer within me was clear: “yes, now is the time!” Yes, time to use, to share, to open my gift in fresh ways, not be silent and not hide, even if it does feel like ‘stepping out of the boat,’ out of a comfort-zone into a challenge-zone.

The phrase ‘stepping out of the boat’ arose from a poem I was introduced to a few months, a poem that acted as an inspiration and affirmation of courage to take a bold risk at that time. I think it is just as applicable, just as affirming for me now, and perhaps it can be so for anyone reading it here too!

To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,
Abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed –
Until weeks become months
And months turn into years,
And one day you’re looking back on a life of
Deep intimate gut-wrenchingly honest conversations you never had;
Great bold prayers you never prayed,
Exhilarating risks you never took,
Sacrificial gifts you never offered,
Lives you never touched,
And you’re sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,
And forgotten dreams,
And you realize there was a world of desperate need,
And a great God calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself –
You see the person you could have become but did not;
You never followed your calling.
You never got out of the boat

Gregg Levoy

Having begun, I hardly know where to start, except just to start! It might help a little to clarify why I chose the name I have chosen for this blog, what its story is. The word ‘belovedness’ has come to be very precious to me, as the way I experience my relationship with the Divine, but also as the way in which I want to be in relationship with others, with everyone. In my spiritual journey, I have come to know that I am beloved, that I live in Belovedness, and so this love, this belovedness, is what I want to pour forth in my being, my living, my writing.

I want to speak and write in belovedness, to send echoes of belovedness into the world, and to encourage, inspire, promote, and cultivate love, compassion, and justice. I may touch upon challenging topics at times, but always with earnest intent of speaking for and in belovedness. I’ll post happy things, grateful things, thoughtful things, playful things, joyful things, too … all are part of the echoes of belovedness!

There is, of course, a backstory, the narrative of my life’s journey, this path that I have followed in becoming who I am and who I am still becoming to be, this path to belovedness. Rather than begin with the sum of it, I’ll share as we go along together. And I do hope you all will come along, and help make this a space of honest, vulnerable conversation and connection, a place to learn and grow together!