Monthly Abundance Focus: Reviewing February (Energy)

February – ENERGY


Intention: Boost vitality and improve atmosphere of home.
Mantra: Lightness, laughter, love, and less stuff.
Actions:
1. Sage home regularly. (This means, get home saging kit!)
2. De-cluttering, minimizing, reducing materialism. Too much stuff, not in order, saps energy.
3. Set up cleaning service – regular.
4. Ethical diet – mindful consumption. Move toward and into more vegetarian diet.
5. From pros/cons list – note energy feeders vs. energy drains. Determine appropriate actions to reduce energy drains, and focus on energy feeders.
6. Mindful of energy of communication.
7. Lighten up about expectations, chores, and chaos.
8. Laugh more. Get a game to play with kids that invites everyone to play and laugh together.
9. Energy healing (chakra work).

Some things I have noticed as this project/year unfolds:

*My action plans are rather ambitious, so I’ve found it essential to check my expectations – or let them go! I’ve given myself permission to not accomplish everything on each month’s list, so that I don’t weigh myself down.
*The idea on some of these action steps is simply to begin  – and to realize some of them are broad and dynamic, perhaps not finishable in a time-limited sense, but rather ongoing, evolving, deepening shifts in perspective and behavior.
*Many remain ‘in progress’ – they weren’t for just the one month, although that was a time to dedicate specifically to growing them into enduring habits.
*Broader actions or intentions provide a neat contrast and balance to the more specific, time-limited ones. It’s kind of nice to have actions or intentions that can be checked off, but some to put the ‘in progress’ next to, also!
*And – imperfect progress is progress.
*How relevant each month’s theme really are to my life in the moment! Of course, that could well be just because that’s where my attention is, so that’s what I notice, but the intentions and actions already planned have been so right for the needs that arose. Trust the universe, indeed!

So, to check in on February!

Let me tell you, I am now sold on having a cleaning service come in! It was beyond wonderful and such relieved joy to arrive home to a sparkling clean home that had been deep cleaned in places I haven’t gotten to in ages.  The first cleaning was a gift from dear friends who understood what a burden-lifter it would be, but a cleaning once a month from now on is my gift to myself and my kids, too!

Between that and a major decluttering of my closet and room, and donating loads of things from it to a local homeless shelter, the energy in my home became so much brighter, lighter, and more vital! Which meant my energy felt so much brighter, lighter, and more vital … and this flowed into my relationships with my kids, my parenting, and my communications with them. There has been more lightness and laughter ….

And less stuff too!

The decluttering of my closet and room had felt like an intimidating task to me, but turned out to be such fun once I buckled down to it. So satisfying to have a more neatly organized closet, and it’s been easier to get dressed faster in the morning because it’s only the things that I will and do truly wear that are there – fewer (and yet more viable) options actually makes decision-making much simpler, which in turns saves mental and emotional energy.

Another satisfying thing was releasing remnants of the past me, letting go of things that no longer suited or served me or had never truly suited or served me, removing burdens or bonds that I had allowed to remain, in some cases not even aware of how I had held onto them or the energy cost of that … the sense of lightness  that came from this, so liberating!

I have regularly saged my office space at the end of day, and found it powerful as a way of clearing my mind and soul, and honoring the stories and emotions that have been shared there that day along with preparing the space for those to come. I thought – why not give myself and my family the same gift at home – cleansing, sanctifying the space, dedicating it to sacred peace? My kids aren’t necessarily fond of the sage smell, bless them … but nonetheless, to me, I feel that the air and energy and spirit in our home is lighter and cleaner. Practices that invite peace and cleansing are vital!

About the non-meat eating, I’m still learning what a holistically balanced vegetarian diet looks like, and what will best meet my body’s needs, but my body does feel happier energy so far! As well, I simply feel more in line with my own values, my sense of mindful, ethical living, which helps my spiritual well-being.

Finally, one of my guide-phrases for the year is ‘Energy follows attention; energy follows expression’. This is 2-fold. First, my thoughts and my attention affect my energy level and my mood, so when my thoughts and attention went down a rabbit hole, my energy followed! And when I directed myself out of the rabbit hole, my energy followed. Also, science-y tidbit here – our brains take cues about our emotions/moods from our facial expressions, so putting on a half-smile, even a tiny curve of the lips, sends feedback to our brains that can shift mood. I’ve found this practice helpful to shift or lift physical, mental, and emotional weariness. Remembering the phrase and its practices have been a key way to manage the overall energy of my communication and my presence.

All these practices have been nourishing and cleansing, and so yes, my own and my home’s energy feel more vital, lighter, and brighter!

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Preview:

March’s theme is …. Money/financial abundance (and so, so in time, too!).

Redefining everything

I’ve been feeling like my words have all been coming for me recently, echoing back at me … both reproachfully and hopefully!

All the various deep intentions I challenged myself to practice and to be …

Being mindful, practicing deep listening

Being an includer, practicing radical inclusion

To nurture belongingness for those who have felt a sense of not belonging

Being peace

Being stillness, being a healing presence

Choosing abundance

Living these words has felt painfully hard recently, feeling like I was failing to live my spiritual practices. And yet these words, these intentions have still anchored me …

In mid-October, I gave a reflection at my church home about choosing abundance and gratitude. How I learned to choose abundance, abandon the myth of scarcity, the one that said that there wasn’t enough and I would never be enough or have enough. How I’d spent years in poverty-thinking and I was done with that …

But even though I passionately declared myself done with it, I guess it wasn’t done with me!  I found myself mired, struggling to remember abundance or to have the strength to choose it, day upon day. And I felt like such a fraud … teaching what I was struggling to do/be!

And what I wrote recently about coming to see my life-mission as being peace, being stillness, being a healing presence? Certainly, there’s truth there, regarding that as a calling, but how it was presently showing up in my spirit?? Mmm, not so much maybe! Even when I published the post, I was thinking, my dear girl, this won’t ring right  … because right now, your energy, your spirit doesn’t match these words!

I certainly wasn’t feeling like I was a healing presence, because I definitely didn’t feel still or serene within. I was aching, hurting, grieving, feeling lonely, unsupported, burdened, overwhelmed.

It’s not been an easy year by any stretch … yes, there has been much blessing, but a profound collection of losses, and an accumulation of layers of grief and sorrow.
The specters of depression sprang up … anger, fear, shame, despair, loneliness. Self-pity, resentment. Seeds I didn’t want, didn’t want to water. They made it difficult for me to remember abundance, to choose it … and they’ve caused me to begin redefining what choosing abundance looks like, in different circumstances. How does one draw abundance from dark emotions? It’s a (lonely) labor of love!
And I’ve tried, oh, I’ve tried to remember abundance in this hard, valley season … if it was hard to choose it, at least to remember it! To remember the gift of belovedness.
I’ve tried to nurture my spiritual practices, and let them nurture me. I’ve tried to rest in this posture, difficult as it is (more of my words that came back to me).

In all of that, I think the theme of this year has become redefining! Redefining – and refining.

Redefining myself, redefining my spirituality/spiritual practice, redefining my intentions and expectations. Redefining abundance and what choosing abundance looks like.

Redefining even the act of defining things, learning to let go of my need to define things!

Redefining everything

There was the divorce … and learning to live life as a single, working mom (while continuing grad school!). And I’ll not sugarcoat it – it’s been hard and deeply overwhelming. Yes, sometimes such a triumphant feeling to realize what I can do and what I can handle, but also – overwhelming!
And yet, so many big decisions to make on my own and so many responsibilities and obligations (like, managing finances alone!), and so much uncertainty, and so much on my plate …  and so little time!
The busyness and fullness of my life – on one hand, satisfying, and yet on the other, feeling like it robbed me of friendship and connection time.
A cold and searing loneliness confronted me.
And the voice of poverty told me that I didn’t have enough support, care, love, affirmation …. but oh, how it told untruths! I do know that, because the voice of abundance brought again to my heart the many beautiful things that dear friends have done for me, big and small:

  •                 the friend who got a family photography session gifted to me
  •                 the friend who organized a clothing drive for my children at the beginning of the school year (and the generous response to that)
  •                 the long phone conversations with one friend
  •                 the friend who sat with me as I cried in shock after losing my job earlier in the year
  •                 the friends who have picked up my son from middle school several times when I was working
  •                 the kind, loving words here and there that have added up to a sweet bouquet

Too, there was also the felt weight of withdrawal in some long-time friendships (from my past church), heavier in my heart as silences made the sense of emotional distancing more tangible. This weight has lightened, though.

Redefining friendships, connection, sisterhood, community … learning what my village looks like. It might not look like what someone else’s looks like, or the ideas that society and social media have given me, but it doesn’t need to! If I open my heart, if I see with different eyes, if I look right next to me, it’s there … you’re there! Friendships, community, sisterhood – they are for me just as they need to be for me for this season. And are enough, if I let them be!

And then there was my first girlfriend experience, and then a break-up. To be clear, it was a special experience, rich in many ways! I’m thankful for what I learned from her and the relationship, but the break-up really rocked me.

Redefining love-relationship needs and desires … learning to be content unpartnered, for now.

Then, I lost one job – but found another, one that has been good for me in so many ways. Loss = gain.

Redefining my professional value and competence. 

Hopes humbled and dreams deferred …  A niche that I had had the idea that I might fill, but became clear didn’t belong to me. Some dreams and passions that I had to say goodbye to, at least in the form I had envisioned them.

It turned out to be a long, hard goodbye, and it’s been hard to find the hellos that follow the goodbyes. Even though I know about letting go gracefully of that which is not meant for me, and that letting go of old possibilities opens up new opportunities, I still felt the deep sting of loss, all the way into my core.

And it shook me, badly, unexpectedly. It stirred up resentments and fears that surprised me with their presence and power. I think it showed the depth of my attachment to those expectations and ideas, too.

(So much for learning to practice non-attachment! This quote comes to mind: The mark of a moderate woman is freedom from her own ideas. Alas, I am not (yet) a moderate woman, then! But it’s a life goal!)

I’d made the mistake of attaching my identity to my idea of what my role, my calling was. I’d tied my sense of belongingness to it. So, I felt unmoored  … another loss, another grief. One I didn’t really receive with grace or gratitude, I tell you!

Redefining calling, role, identity. And – letting go of the need to be defined by them.

So yes, the last while, loneliness and grief have been familiar companions.  So familiar I simply decided to befriend them and make peace with them. (I think that’s how you draw what abundance and healing there is to draw from them, anyway!)

I know that this is the holiday time, the season of joy to the world and peace on earth, and it’s not festive to speak of loneliness and grief and sorrow – but these are also a part of the holiday experience for many, because they’re a part of the human experience.

Redefining the value and reality of grief and loneliness.

Don’t get me wrong, I do know joy still, I know there’s a place of joy deep in the center of my being; I know there’s light within! There’s still stillness …

Redefining ideas and expectations about being stillness, being peace, being a healing presence.

I have learned and am learning still that I need not judge myself for not always knowing equanimity and stillness. There’s no need to define myself by the presence or absence of any emotion or experience. I’m human – part of being human is feeling deep pain, experiencing grief, sorrow, loneliness, dark emotions. As I’ve written before (more words that keep coming back for me!) sorrow is a sacred part of belovedness. So is grief. So is loneliness.

Redefining my whole emotional experience.

Redefining my journey, my story.

Redefining everything …  refining everything. Being refined.

Further and deeper, learning to let some things be undefined … learning to let the journey and the experience be as it is, in this moment, this season!

 

 

Choosing abundance

I was sitting on the porch one recent afternoon, just noticing and drinking in the abundance of beautiful things: the bright blue sky, deep green grass, and vivid pink peonies.

And a thought came to me – I know! I’m going to create a little notebook where I write down things that remind me of the abundance of my life, of creation, the abundance of beauty and joy in everyday things, the abundance of provision for all I truly need …

I know sometimes people have gratitude journals, but I thought, I’m going to call mine an Abundance Journal!

Why abundance?

Abundance has been one of my key words this year. Even in the midst of tremendous personal losses and heartbreaks, I have kept believing in abundance. I have acknowledged the losses, and the costliness of them, the pain in them, but have also chosen to view and live them through the lens of abundance. In viewing and living those losses and heartaches through abundance, I was seeking whatever gain and good was present in them – or at least, whatever benefit and blessing I could draw from them or create from them.

I know sometimes the benefit and blessing takes time to see, to become clear. And I know some experiences or events in themselves cannot be called ‘good’ and some experiences seem to take away more than they give. Yet even in profound loss and suffering is present the possibility of abundance  … speaking the truth of my experience.

At the very least, viewing and living hard experiences – sorrows and heartaches, misfortune and sufferings – through abundance offers the comfort, courage, inner peace, and strength to wait, to continue, to persevere. Viewing and living them through abundance creates clarity, insight, joy, grace, wisdom, liberty.

Living through abundance welcomes in wholeness where there has been brokenness, and keeps open and clear your connection to your own wholeness of being – that wholeness that is yours, at your center.

Living through abundance gives you the heart and eyes to see that you have enough, you are enough … no matter what you do not have or what you are not, what you have and who are you can be enough.

Living through abundance invites abundance. Really, it invites you to see the abundance that already is … that already is present in each moment, present deep within you.

Abundance is here. Abundance is in you; your abundance is in you.  The abundance of creation is everywhere, in the world, in others, in you.

Abundance is a way of being,  a way of living. A way of being in the world, a way of being goodness and grace and generosity in the world. A way of being in yourself that opens you to goodness and grace, to your own goodness and grace.  A way of being with others that is open to seeing the goodness and grace in them, that invites abundance into the space between you.

A way of being  lovingly and unsparingly generous with yourself and with others. Generous with your attention and deep presence. Generous with your words, your heart, and your spirit.

Generous with compassion, kindness, service. Generous with gentleness and humbleness. Generous in sharing joys and sorrows both.

As I’ve learned, I can either come from a place of poverty or a place of abundance. I have spent enough of my life coming from a place of poverty, in the way I saw myself and others, the way I perceived and experienced things, in the perspectives and worldviews I had. I’ve had enough of that way of thinking, living, and being! It brought painful famine into my soul … a sad thing when so much abundance was already present.

So, I choose abundance! I choose to come from and live and be in a place of abundance.

And so these are reminder questions I have for myself, especially when I notice I’m moving into a place of poverty in the thoughts  I’m allowing or feelings I’m feeding:

What is present in this moment that is of abundance?

What is present right now that is beautiful, and is enough?

How can I simply be present now to see what is of abundance in this moment?

What can I place my awareness on that will encourage and deepen abundance in my heart, mind, and soul?

Choosing abundance is really choosing gratitude. Abundance is cultivated through gratitude, and gratitude is cultivated through mindful awareness of all the abundance that is present now.

And so, yes, my abundance journal is really a gratitude journal by another name!

Yet, I am going to call it an Abundance Journal because gratitude is both a reminder and a creator of abundance.

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Here’s an excerpt from my Abundance Journal, from just a couple hours of one afternoon:

A hug from one of my children

Kind words from a friend

Smiling at people and receiving smiles in return

An unexpected offer of help

The spacious blue sky

The brilliant gold sunlight

The soft warm breeze, air fresh and sparkling clear from recent rains

Lush green grass and the peonies budding out, in bright shades of pink

Supple strong young trees in my yard and the mature trees in other yards, soaring into the sky, all cloaked in various shades of green robes

The petunia in the flowerpot that was a Mother’s Day gift from a little daughter

The fact that I am sitting here in the sunshine in this body and that I can feel myself sitting here, connecting with nature

I am breathing

My mind is clear and my heart at ease, right here and right now … abundance of peace and stillness

How rich I see that I am!