Tag: compassion

Living with a heart wider open

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Yesterday, I was reading a reflection in a lovely yoga book called Meditation on Intention and Being, by Rolf Gates, and there is a passage there that really resonated with me to share. It is from a section discussing self-study, or self-examination, being willing to look into ourselves, to understand our motives and our intents better – so we can change and purify them, change and purify our habits of thinking and doing and relating to others.

Anyway, these are the words I wish to share: “We find … that what stands between us and an act of kindness, or honesty, is not race, or gender, or politics, but just plain old-fashioned self-protection. We may mutter unkind stereotypes under our breath, but it is not because we are fundamentally against any particular type of people. What we discover is that we are against any threat to the immediate gratification of the self (ego).”

For me, this cut to the core of my own personal struggles with learning to live with a heart wider open, with generosity and vulnerability … and what I suspect is at the core of many prejudices and biases and extreme reactions people sometimes have toward those who are different, and why they feel so terribly threatened, hesitant or resistant to reach out or step out of their comfort zones. It is a self-protective measure, an ego-protective measure, a feeling that the sense of themselves as they have understood themselves, of the world as they have understood it, is threatened. And that is a fearful thing, that invites a passionate reaction of some sort … a reaction that perhaps covers up what is really at the core, that desire to protect ourselves.

That self-protectiveness, that self-defensiveness, the kind that causes me to resist or shrink in fear from deeper acts of compassion and generosity, of going beyond my self,  is something I am working on surrendering … and surrender is a challenging practice! But I don’t want the self-protective urges of my ego to cause me to miss out on the joy of surrender, living from the soul, living in abundance, generosity, purer integrity!

My intention: to become more self-aware of that limiting self-protectiveness, and to surrender it.

 

Choosing abundance

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I was sitting on the porch one recent afternoon, just noticing and drinking in the abundance of beautiful things: the bright blue sky, deep green grass, and vivid pink peonies.

And a thought came to me – I know! I’m going to create a little notebook where I write down things that remind me of the abundance of my life, of creation, the abundance of beauty and joy in everyday things, the abundance of provision for all I truly need …

I know sometimes people have gratitude journals, but I thought, I’m going to call mine an Abundance Journal!

Why abundance?

Abundance has been one of my key words this year. Even in the midst of tremendous personal losses and heartbreaks, I have kept believing in abundance. I have acknowledged the losses, and the costliness of them, the pain in them, but have also chosen to view and live them through the lens of abundance. In viewing and living those losses and heartaches through abundance, I was seeking whatever gain and good was present in them – or at least, whatever benefit and blessing I could draw from them or create from them.

I know sometimes the benefit and blessing takes time to see, to become clear. And I know some experiences or events in themselves cannot be called ‘good’ and some experiences seem to take away more than they give. Yet even in profound loss and suffering is present the possibility of abundance  … speaking the truth of my experience.

At the very least, viewing and living hard experiences – sorrows and heartaches, misfortune and sufferings – through abundance offers the comfort, courage, inner peace, and strength to wait, to continue, to persevere. Viewing and living them through abundance creates clarity, insight, joy, grace, wisdom, liberty.

Living through abundance welcomes in wholeness where there has been brokenness, and keeps open and clear your connection to your own wholeness of being – that wholeness that is yours, at your center.

Living through abundance gives you the heart and eyes to see that you have enough, you are enough … no matter what you do not have or what you are not, what you have and who are you can be enough.

Living through abundance invites abundance. Really, it invites you to see the abundance that already is … that already is present in each moment, present deep within you.

Abundance is here. Abundance is in you; your abundance is in you.  The abundance of creation is everywhere, in the world, in others, in you.

Abundance is a way of being,  a way of living. A way of being in the world, a way of being goodness and grace and generosity in the world. A way of being in yourself that opens you to goodness and grace, to your own goodness and grace.  A way of being with others that is open to seeing the goodness and grace in them, that invites abundance into the space between you.

A way of being  lovingly and unsparingly generous with yourself and with others. Generous with your attention and deep presence. Generous with your words, your heart, and your spirit.

Generous with compassion, kindness, service. Generous with gentleness and humbleness. Generous in sharing joys and sorrows both.

As I’ve learned, I can either come from a place of poverty or a place of abundance. I have spent enough of my life coming from a place of poverty, in the way I saw myself and others, the way I perceived and experienced things, in the perspectives and worldviews I had. I’ve had enough of that way of thinking, living, and being! It brought painful famine into my soul … a sad thing when so much abundance was already present.

So, I choose abundance! I choose to come from and live and be in a place of abundance.

And so these are reminder questions I have for myself, especially when I notice I’m moving into a place of poverty in the thoughts  I’m allowing or feelings I’m feeding:

What is present in this moment that is of abundance?

What is present right now that is beautiful, and is enough?

How can I simply be present now to see what is of abundance in this moment?

What can I place my awareness on that will encourage and deepen abundance in my heart, mind, and soul?

Choosing abundance is really choosing gratitude. Abundance is cultivated through gratitude, and gratitude is cultivated through mindful awareness of all the abundance that is present now.

And so, yes, my abundance journal is really a gratitude journal by another name!

Yet, I am going to call it an Abundance Journal because gratitude is both a reminder and a creator of abundance.

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Here’s an excerpt from my Abundance Journal, from just a couple hours of one afternoon:

A hug from one of my children

Kind words from a friend

Smiling at people and receiving smiles in return

An unexpected offer of help

The spacious blue sky

The brilliant gold sunlight

The soft warm breeze, air fresh and sparkling clear from recent rains

Lush green grass and the peonies budding out, in bright shades of pink

Supple strong young trees in my yard and the mature trees in other yards, soaring into the sky, all cloaked in various shades of green robes

The petunia in the flowerpot that was a Mother’s Day gift from a little daughter

The fact that I am sitting here in the sunshine in this body and that I can feel myself sitting here, connecting with nature

I am breathing

My mind is clear and my heart at ease, right here and right now … abundance of peace and stillness

How rich I see that I am!

Saying ‘Yes!’ to belovedness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Over the last few years, I’ve tried to keep a spiritual journal of sorts. Not a diary for recounting daily events, but for working out spiritual musings and philosophical ponderings, or making feeble attempts at poetry sometimes, too!

Now and then, it’s an adventure to go back and read ‘old’ words … to re-learn or reclaim forgotten insights, lessons, or experiences. Or to feel like I am indeed on a spiral staircase, circling around the same themes in my life and mind and soul …

So it happened again … As I opened up my journal to write, thinking “Oh, I need to return to belovedness, find a clear ‘Yes’ to it again, not water seeds of bitterness,” the page fell open to an entry from November 20 (2015) that was like a return to a familiar landing on the spiral staircase! Like, haven’t I been on this step before, looked out this tower window??

The external scenery of my journey is different, yet there was a sense of returning to a familiar inner landscape! The realization, “I’ve been here before; but what more is there I need to learn this time?”

And so chimed another mindfulness bell … or the same mindfulness bell, again …

In words I’m sharing below just as they flowed out then …

The last few days have been intense – just rather a deep swelling psychic sense of a ‘NO’ arising in this land, crying:

No! No, we will not take in refugees; No, we do not want Muslims here; No, we do not want Syrians (etc., etc., etc.) here;

No, we do not think the world will ever be anything other than broken and no, we do not think love or goodness is the true nature of humanity … evil and violence is and will always be;

No, we do not think love will win; no, belovedness is not greater than fear!

It has made my ‘YES’ feel so lost in the resounding cacophony of that ‘NO’ … and has broken my heart.

But I find now, again, that the strength and quiet, peaceful power of a conviction of Ultimate truth of belovedness has returned to my ‘YES’. I will keep saying ‘YES,’ I will keep saying all are beloved, I will keep saying ‘Belovedness is …

To clarify, the reference points for those words are the Paris attacks, the rising anguish and awareness around ISIS/the Syrian refugee situation, and the powerful, visceral emotional reactions in the U.S. and globally to these and other  crises. (And please hold in mind that this isn’t meant as political commentary – it’s a soul-cry – it’s spiritual (social/spiritual) commentary, if anything! I’m not a political activist, I’m more a social justice advocate with a spiritual approach, a spiritual advocate or perhaps a mindfulness messenger.)

Though those events are past, they still seem to be present, somehow – unresolved, unreconciled, unhealed. And the words above remain relevant because our shared societal spiral staircase always seems to be taking us to these points of political, social, and spiritual crises … where both the NO! and the YES! voices are resounding, on scores of personal, social, political, racial issues.

Awareness and change are happening rapidly, things are shifting, evolving. In the midst of it, there is fear, there is hope, sometimes a fearful hopelessness, sometimes a fearful hopefulness …

And the words are relevant to my own personal journey, my own inner ‘climbing of the spiral staircase’ … for me personally, change is happening rapidly also, things are shifting, evolving on many levels in my life, from deep internal places to external circumstances. And just as before, my ‘Yes’ to belovedness has started feeling lost, blurred, frayed … and my ‘No’ to anger, impatience, bitterness, and negativity has been waning.

I needed (continually need) a mindfulness bell to remind me I am beloved, to remind me of my ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to knit any unraveling edges back into the fabric of belovedness. To remind me to accept change and to embrace and heal my pain and difficult emotions with the ‘Yes’ of belovedness. To find strength and grace in focusing on that ‘Yes.’

I think so do we all, so does our beloved country, so does the world often need a mindfulness bell, in whatever form it takes … to remind us we are all beloved, we all belong in belovedness. To teach us to declare and to live a communal ‘Yes’ to love, compassion, hope,  justice … to say ‘Yes’ to loving ourselves and one another and ‘No’ to causing ourselves and one another suffering.

For where there’s a ‘Yes,’ there’s a ‘No’ …  saying ‘Yes’ to belovedness, to compassion, to peace, to justice, to forgiveness, to hope, to grace, to freedom, to open-mindedness and equanimity, is also saying ‘No’ to fear or being ruled by it, violence, prejudice, injustice, inaction, indifference, poverty, oppression … a ‘No’ that must be clear!

Yet what seems most needful is not so much to declare the ‘No’ against suffering as to proclaim the ‘Yes’ for liberation from suffering … to be the ‘YES’!

And even when a fearful or cynical ‘No’ seems so loud and dominant, listen for the powerful, peaceful ‘Yes’ that’s still present, in you, in others, in the world … and amplify it!

Live the ‘Yes’ … make your life a resounding ‘Yes’ to love, grace, hope, justice, mindfulness!

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*** I also wrote a poem with this journal entry, but I’m not including it all here. I’m working on creating a separate section/category specifically for poetry. Right now, it’s here: Always yes, always beloved, always belovedness ***

       

And a little child led me: parenting in belovedness

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

Today I want to share a deeply personal story about finding and living the echoes of belovedness in parenting!

This is a story about what became a holy interaction between my youngest daughter, D, and I, though it surely didn’t start out with that promise in it at all! In fact, it felt pretty messy. Nowhere near a beautiful mess … just a mess.

It was Easter morning and the girls and I were getting ready to go to brunch at church before service.

Now, D is a delightful child (after all, that’s what the D stands for 😉 ), sparkly, spunky, spirited, strong-willed, sweet and spicy both. I love her spiritedness; it’s one of my very favorite things about her. I love her fierce strength, and even her stubbornness … oh, so much like mine!

And this was a stubborn moment … not just hers, but mine, too!

There are times she decides, and at the most inconvenient moment (that is, the last five minutes before it’s time to leave, for school or whatever; and do these things ever happen at a ‘convenient’ moment, anyway?!), that she isn’t wearing these shoes after all, only those shoes will do, but those are the shoes her sister is wearing (or the coat her sister is wearing) and no, I won’t wear any other shoes. Or, no, you get these shoes for me and you put them on for me … and then, NO, don’t put my shoes on for me, I want to … Which is wonderful, except then, she doesn’t want to anymore in the next moment! Oh my!

So, Easter morning we had a variation on this theme.  I attempted to handle it in the method that has, after much trial and even more error, revealed itself to be generally effective at calmly de-escalating or defusing these situations. This method usually involves a combination of offering a choice and counting to a certain number, making the options clear and giving her time and space to make a choice before the choice becomes mine. It works well – when I remain calm, mindful, and patient!

But it was spectacularly bombing this morning … or rather, I was, really. I felt oddly disoriented and drained after being up in the middle of night (2:00-4:00) for the Easter vigil and I just was failing at the ‘patience and not sounding like a drill sergeant thing!’ Besides, I hadn’t eaten any breakfast yet and I just wanted to get to the brunch and have time to eat!  I was most definitely not in calm, mindful mom mode … D was in meltdown mode, and I felt about ready to join her.

But then I felt my own stubborn anxiousness suddenly give way and I said, oh, honey, I just want to get there because I’m so hungry and so tired, and besides, I think I’m just about to cry!

And she quietly said, with a sigh and a sob, me too!

I picked her up, set her on the counter, hugged her tight, and said around the swelling in my throat, Oh, D, I love you … I’m so sorry I haven’t been patient. I’m so sorry this has been so hard for you and me too …

We cried a bit together … and then amazingly, how much better it all became, like a brand new morning! The shoes went on and we left, still in decent time, but even better, with peace in our hearts.

Oh, I certainly felt emptied, poured out, undone as I drove there … but also filled up with reverent gratefulness, for the healing of love, for me and for her.

Gratefulness for the resurrecting and transforming power of love!

Gratefulness that a simple bit of honesty and vulnerability had the power to heal, cleanse, and redeem that painful interaction … to infuse it instead with belovedness.

Oh, I long so much for my parenting to echo with belovedness! For my children to hear belovedness in the way I speak to them, to feel belovedness in the way I interact with them, the way I am present with them, the way I discipline them. That even my disciplining would echo with belovedness …

And that costs me vulnerability, honesty, humility. To be willing to let my children see that in me, to give them that gift of belovedness … and to believe that even when I’ve messed up, the gift of belovedness is still there, for them and for me.

To let them see I am a flawed human being. To let them see me own that, with self-compassion.

To let them hear me acknowledge my mistakes and apologize.

To not be afraid to apologize to them when I was unjust or unfair, when my impatience or irritation toward them had more to do with me, my pride and my unmindfulness than with them.

To respect them enough to be honest with them.

To be real with them. Real enough to let them see my tears and to cry with them.

To be unafraid and unashamed to be an imperfect mother who is still learning … an imperfect mother who also loves fiercely, deeply, vulnerably, whose deepest intention is to become ever more mindful of this love moving in all my interactions with my children, in all my parenting efforts …

To remember more to let go …

of stubbornness, pride, expectations, attachments to what I think my parenting and my children ought to be like …

and to let Love lead,

just as a little child led me Easter morning!

Radical inclusion

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

Thoughts about the concepts of radical inclusion and inclusiveness have been brewing in my brain for a while!

I’ve been part of a few conversations recently about how desirable a quality inclusiveness is in a person, in a leader, or in an institution, such as a church or government … and the circles grow wider out into society, into the world.

I’ve loved these conversations about inclusiveness, about radical inclusion, and I love that these ideas and practices seem so important to so many. I’ve observed also though that there seem to be varied ideas about what being inclusive or engaging in radical inclusion means to people. Different definitions, different visions, different expectations …

It seems like a good, deep conversation is needed to clarify just what we’re meaning if/when we talk about inclusiveness, about radical inclusion. But first perhaps some good, deep personal reflection is necessary, to be still and consider what those concepts mean to us, how we define them, how we would be willing to be inclusive or to practice a radical inclusion in our lives, the circles we’re a part of … workplace, family, church, organizations …

Just how inclusive is our inclusiveness? Just how ‘radical’ is our radical inclusion? Whom would we include?  And in what spirit would we include them?

I can’t answer those questions or define radical inclusion for anyone else but I want to share what it means to me, how I define it, what my vision of it is, how I want to live it …

First, there’s that word ‘radical.’ It sounds, well, radical, doesn’t it! It can seem militant, extreme, suspicious, drastic … but it also means profound, far-reaching, awe-inspiring, fundamental, essential. These are powerful words, aren’t they? Powerful words with depth. Words used to describe something powerful, transformational, revolutionary.

And that’s what radical inclusion is, what it offers in practice … something powerful, transformational, revolutionary.

Something powerfully inviting and compassionate. Radical inclusion as a compassionate invitation … a universal and universally compassionate invitation, into conversation and connection, into belonging.

In my vision, there are other ‘radical’ things that are part of the foundation of radical inclusion: self-acceptance, grace, compassion. Profound, far-reaching, awesome, fundamental, essential things. Things that are powerful, transformational, and revolutionary in themselves … but what makes them all those things, what makes grace radical, what makes compassion radical, is the depth and breadth and width to which they are expressed and lived.

That they aren’t just words or concepts or even practices … but lived Truths.

And self-acceptance …  radical in a spiritually transformational way! Because what it involves is meeting yourself where you are, as you are in the here and now, showing compassion and kindness toward yourself where you are, recognizing the imperfections and the suffering in yourself and loving yourself nonetheless, laying aside destructive self-judgments … an act of radical inclusion that begins with yourself, your soul!

A powerfully compassionate invitation to yourself … to love yourself as your own neighbor.

Where does, where can, this act of personal radical inclusion lead? It can lead into a place of healing, change, and growth, where you have the strength to let go of attachments you may need to let go of in order to heal and to love wholly …

It can lead into a deeper compassion and empathy, a broader understanding of grace, a wider view of acceptance, the ability to love wholly ….

It becomes the foundation of an ever-widening radical inclusion … to love every person as your neighbor, as you have learned to love yourself.

And so this vision of radical inclusion: Whom does it include? Who is, who should be, invited into the circle of radical inclusion?

Everyone! All of humanity. For who is not my neighbor? And are there any whom I should not love?

Maybe one vision sees a Jesus-like notion of radical inclusion that looks outward and sees the need to welcome the outcast, the homeless, the poor, the disenfranchised, the oppressed …

Maybe that vision extends to a progressive radical inclusion that is multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, that includes those of many races. Or respecting and honoring other faith traditions; an interfaith inclusion. Or welcoming and loving those of diverse sexual or gender identities, those who have been stigmatized, misunderstood, even reviled or shunned …

It seems that sometimes though a view of radical inclusion might form that actually includes a clause of exclusion, if you will – that those we’ve judged as having wrong views or values, we might exclude from our vision of inclusion. We might see them as not being worthy of welcoming, of radical inclusion … of love.

Radical inclusion includes letting go of those clauses of exclusion!

For who else does radical inclusion include? It includes those with whom we disagree, those who have differing views … it means letting go of attachments to political affiliations and religious ideologies. Not compromising soul-deep convictions and values, but yet loving our neighbor far above loving our own ideas and perspectives, and making such love a highest value!

And who is my neighbor? You are my neighbor. I am your neighbor. No matter our differences in any sense, no matter how different your life journey has been than mine, you are my neighbor and I am called to love you.

No matter how different your perspective on life, no matter how different your perceptions of the Ultimate truths about life, spirituality and sacredness, or your experience (or not) of the divine, you are my neighbor. And I am called to learn from you and to love you.

We meet where we are, as who we are, and listen to and love one another.

This is my definition, my vision, of radical inclusion. This is where I see so much hope of healing, of reconciliation, of unity!

We will always be different and diverse. But we can have diversity in unity; unity in diversity. And Love, belovedness, binding it together, bringing wholeness …

Let us extend that compassionate invitation into conversation and connection to all, to one another!

And through that powerful, transformational, revolutionary act of radical inclusion become one people!

 

What seeds are we watering?

/ Lanae / 2 Comments

Already we’ve looked at deep listening as a practice of mindfulness, being deeply present with others, seeing them as they are. Watering seeds is another part or practice of mindfulness, learning to look deeply to see and understand what seeds we are watering, and to practice watering wholesome seeds. We all are watering seeds! Are we aware what seeds we are watering?

Living mindfully is being mindful of the seeds within, mindful of our consciousness as storing seeds of all kinds, of all potential roots and fruits, mindful of what seeds we are watering. Our perceptions, thoughts, emotions – these are seeds that become rooted as patterns of thinking, acting, interacting. How well do we know the seeds we are watering?

Wholesome seeds, unwholesome seeds. Seeds in which either wholesomeness or unwholesomeness could arise, depending on how we water and nurture them.

Love, happiness, compassion, gratitude, kindness, joy, peace … wholesome seeds sowing goodness and grace.

Fear, doubt, anger, conceit, suffering, violence, hate … unwholesome seeds sowing discord and division.

Desire and passion, abundantly present. Seeds that seem to have both joy-creating and sorrow-creating potential.

All of these seeds can be in all of us. In us all are seeds of potential for a vast, diverse array of feelings and actions; the presence of both wholesome and unwholesome seeds, the capacity to choose to water either. But what do we choose to water? What we choose to think or read about, to focus on, our everyday activities … these things water seeds within us … and within others, also. We are interconnected, so in some way, what I water in myself, I water in you, in my friends, in my family, in someone around the world.

Sometimes we judge the seeds we think are present in others, or the seeds we think are present in ourselves. Sometimes, we might want to deny certain seeds are within us, such as fears, prejudices, or anger. Or we might want to destroy those particular seeds, and as we would with weeds in our gardens, seek to uproot them ruthlessly.

For example, I used to be angry at my anger, angry that it existed and lived in me, afraid of it. Ashamed of it. So, my practice was to try to destroy the destructive seed. And yet, being angry at anger, being afraid of it, being ashamed of it, waters it. Denying anger waters it. Reacting and thinking of it in emotionally violent ways feeds it, waters it. Deepens its roots and spreads its growth, while it takes up space, creates further suffering … This is true for other unwholesome seeds, in ourselves, or even in society.

But when I learned to practice acceptance and compassion toward my anger and myself for having it, an intriguing thing happened: its roots, its vines, its toxic presence and power withered. Watering seeds of compassion and forgiveness, helped more to master my anger, than any other act of striving against it.

When acknowledged but not watered, then unwholesome seeds cannot grow in unhealthy ways. Other wholesome seeds then have liberty and space for flourishing!

However, the energy of anger, of passion, can be constructively channeled into doing genuine good, helping motivate change. Courage and boldness to speak truths about injustices, to advocate and act for change, to plant seeds of restorative justice. But to make this possible, many other seeds must be mindfully watered, seeds of hope and compassion, understanding and desire for peace, love and belovedness, seeds that produce balance.

The seeds we water affect our experience of the Divine, our relationship with ourselves, with one another, children, parents, partners, everyone. To choose to water wholesome seeds in ourselves is to bring a healing influence first to ourselves and that influence spreads out, like ripples from a stone cast upon the water. In living this practice, we can change ourselves, our world, the world of another, even the whole world, simply by the seeds we water.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says:

“To touch the seeds of joy, peace, and love within you is a very important practice. You can ask your friends to do the same for you. If you love someone, you acknowledge their positive seeds…. [W]atering the seeds in one person is a very concrete practice of love. If you love me, please refrain from watering only the seeds of anger, despair, and hatred in me. If you love me, recognize the seeds of joy, gladness, peace, and solidity in me also and touch them, several times a day. That will help me grow in the direction of health, joy, and happiness.”

What a beautiful, practical act of love to offer each other: to look deeply, see the positive seed, and water those seeds! Why water negative seeds in someone when we want to help positive ones grow? Look for the good in our families, our children, co-workers, friends, strangers on the street, and water it … believe the seeds of good are there, find them, water them! Here’s the best relationship, parenting, spiritual-growth, or life advice I have today – find the seeds of good and water them!

While watering the good, let’s not deny or ignore the seeds of suffering in others, as that waters such seeds. Remember, listening deeply and wholly to someone’s pain, anger, despair, or fears and sorrows, is one way of watering seeds of comfort and compassion in them … so that those seeds in them could begin to flourish in and fill them. Deep listening and watering seeds go together! Can we, will we, offer these acts of service, these acts of belovedness, for ourselves and others?

What seeds are we watering in each other, in our communities, our churches or fellowship gatherings … our societies, our governments, our nations, and our world – our Earth?? Seeds of gratitude and grace? Seeds of peace and liberty? Seeds of hope and compassion? Seeds of belovedness?

Listening with belovedness

/ Lanae / 6 Comments

Since I voiced my desire for this blog to be a ‘conversation space rich in belovedness’, a place where ‘honest, vulnerable conversation and connection’ takes place, it seems good to discuss first an essential part of such conversation – listening. In particular, mindful listening, deep listening. Listening with open-heartedness, listening with belovedness …

But how does such listening apply to writing, to a blog context, to this blog? I’ve been pondering what an intentional listening space looks like in a place where it seems all too easy for the blogger to just do the ‘talking’, or most of it, through content-creating.

I’m usually known as a quiet person, and it’s true, sometimes I am! In group settings, I generally become a listener and an observer, partly because I enjoy understanding the dynamics and patterns at play – and well, partly because I do have a quiet, low voice. However, closer friends know that I am not always quiet, that I have a voice and a lot to say, that there is a deep well of intensity and passion dwelling in my heart and soul, and that sometimes it plentifully, passionately pours forth!

Perhaps this blog is an outlet to pour forth my voice, to be heard and known. But I mean it to be much more than that; I mean it also to be about blending our voices together, listening to each other. Being present together with ourselves, being who we are, hearing and listening to who we truly are, in a space of intentional communication. So, is that possible through a blog?! Yes, yes!

In a blog context, we may not be in each other’s presence, but we certainly can still be richly present with each other. I can (and will!) be present and mindful in how I prepare the words I share and in how I listen and respond to comments; you can be present and mindful in how you read, receive, and reflect upon the words.

What then, is this mindful, deep listening?

Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Buddhist master, whose serene wisdom and clear, elegant writing I have come to treasure, teaches and writes about mindful listening, deep listening. Mindfulness is a way of being, of being present, being here now, both with ourselves and with each other. One of the most important practices of mindfulness is deep listening, a very loving way to be present with someone who is sharing themselves with us. Mindful, loving communication and relationships develop through deep listening and loving speech.

Loving speech arises from deep listening. Belovedness arises from deep listening, mindful listening … we can send echoes of belovedness into someone’s heart without even needing to speak, just by being deeply present, listening with full attention and intention. This is the preparation for speaking words of belovedness, words of comfort or counsel, and for actions of belovedness.

Often, we tend to listen (or read) with intent to reply, but what if we listen solely with intent to hear and to understand? What if we listen to or read someone’s words not with intent to debate or to point out wrong perceptions (or ones we feel are possibly wrong), but with intent to learn, to understand, to communicate, to dialogue, to seek reconciliation? That type of listening intent echoes with grace and humility, which are themselves also echoes of belovedness …

Thich Nhat Hanh also speaks of first listening to understand, rather than first seeking to offer counsel or solutions for suffering. Listen for and to the heart of the other person (or group of people), to hear whatever their suffering may be or may have been, to be present with them in that, to enter into their experience and perspective.

It is beautiful and right to have a passion to stand against and to correct injustice and oppression, to do whatever we can to ease suffering, to put solutions into action. But first, be present, listen deeply and mindfully to understand, to perceive clearly, to love deeply. Then we can be prepared to speak and to act for change in ways that add no harm but are healing and liberating.

Listening may not seem like much to do, but it’s a first right thing to do; the essential foundation for deeper ‘doing’. Listening with belovedness is a great gift to give to ourselves, to one another, to all, to the world. A listening presence of belovedness, empty of prejudicial discrimination, full of acceptance and compassion, is so restorative, so healing, with the potential to build strong relationships, create deep change, bring a profound, transformative justice to a world that needs it.