Reflections from an all-too-human therapist, upon 2+ weeks of doing quarantine life and therapy

I’ve been sharing some reflections now and then on my personal Facebook page and figured I may as well offer them here too, because why not? Why not preserve a record of this time and these lessons here too?

As a therapist/yoga teacher/mindfulness and meditation facilitator, I keep thinking I have a responsibility to offer helpful things related to dealing with anxiety and trauma, and how to use meditation and mindfulness practices to help. Yet, I haven’t quite been able to make that happen … but then, maybe that’s a ‘should’ I don’t need to carry right now!

And some of the other productive/creative ideas I’ve had about how to use the extra time that not needing to commute gives me? Reading, writing, doing more therapeutic training? Sometimes I find myself feeling weary, aimless, unfocused … and not being productive or redeeming the gift of time that this new rhythm of life seems to offer me.

So I considered just how much energy it has taken to shift my practice home and online. And the immense energy it takes to engage therapeutically online! Creating attunement, reading emotional and nonverbal cues, being present – these elements are all essential to therapeutic relationship in any context, but also practicing them through a cyber connection requires a deep intentional retuning of awareness and maintaining quality of attention.

And this is on top of parenting my kids through a tremendous transition for them, all of us learning to live together in this new reality. Being present for them, overseeing home learning and chores, dealing with challenging attitudes … whew!

And shepherding a community organization …

As a mentor pointed out to me, each one of these is in itself a tremendous amount of emotional labor … but all together, and at a time where there’s already a deep river of stress energy and collective grief running through the world, of which I feel acutely aware.

So of course I don’t have the energy to give and do and be everything I feel a longing to give and do and be! Of course there are limits to my human strength that provide boundary to my desires … though those limits don’t hem in hope or love.

I’ve seen articles that remind me that it’s okay to feel unproductive right now, that it’s okay and necessary to allow time and space to just be, that the time doesn’t all have to be filled with amazingness of productivity and creativity. That feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, ennui are all valid right now, that it’s okay and necessary to allow grace and space for feeling them and moving through them. That simply adjusting to this new rhythm of living and parenting and being is in itself an act of intense emotional labor that takes much energy. Considering what personal expectations of productivity and creativity are fair in light of that is an act of grace toward ourselves!

So this is a reminder to myself that I’m sharing out loud in your presence – to be fair to myself and rest from burdensome expectations that sap needed energy, to find what nourishes my energy and what heals me when I feel depleted, and to allow space and grace for all feelings.

May you all find these things, may we allow ourselves to be and to grieve and to heal together, beloved ones!

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There will still be a review of last month’s Abundance Project theme, coming soon. The era of coronavirus, quarantine, and social solidarity/physical distancing has cast a different light across my project, but this light has brought out things I might never have seen otherwise and has shifted my perspective of abundance and its relevance!

Monthly Abundance Focus: Reviewing February (Energy)

February – ENERGY


Intention: Boost vitality and improve atmosphere of home.
Mantra: Lightness, laughter, love, and less stuff.
Actions:
1. Sage home regularly. (This means, get home saging kit!)
2. De-cluttering, minimizing, reducing materialism. Too much stuff, not in order, saps energy.
3. Set up cleaning service – regular.
4. Ethical diet – mindful consumption. Move toward and into more vegetarian diet.
5. From pros/cons list – note energy feeders vs. energy drains. Determine appropriate actions to reduce energy drains, and focus on energy feeders.
6. Mindful of energy of communication.
7. Lighten up about expectations, chores, and chaos.
8. Laugh more. Get a game to play with kids that invites everyone to play and laugh together.
9. Energy healing (chakra work).

Some things I have noticed as this project/year unfolds:

*My action plans are rather ambitious, so I’ve found it essential to check my expectations – or let them go! I’ve given myself permission to not accomplish everything on each month’s list, so that I don’t weigh myself down.
*The idea on some of these action steps is simply to begin  – and to realize some of them are broad and dynamic, perhaps not finishable in a time-limited sense, but rather ongoing, evolving, deepening shifts in perspective and behavior.
*Many remain ‘in progress’ – they weren’t for just the one month, although that was a time to dedicate specifically to growing them into enduring habits.
*Broader actions or intentions provide a neat contrast and balance to the more specific, time-limited ones. It’s kind of nice to have actions or intentions that can be checked off, but some to put the ‘in progress’ next to, also!
*And – imperfect progress is progress.
*How relevant each month’s theme really are to my life in the moment! Of course, that could well be just because that’s where my attention is, so that’s what I notice, but the intentions and actions already planned have been so right for the needs that arose. Trust the universe, indeed!

So, to check in on February!

Let me tell you, I am now sold on having a cleaning service come in! It was beyond wonderful and such relieved joy to arrive home to a sparkling clean home that had been deep cleaned in places I haven’t gotten to in ages.  The first cleaning was a gift from dear friends who understood what a burden-lifter it would be, but a cleaning once a month from now on is my gift to myself and my kids, too!

Between that and a major decluttering of my closet and room, and donating loads of things from it to a local homeless shelter, the energy in my home became so much brighter, lighter, and more vital! Which meant my energy felt so much brighter, lighter, and more vital … and this flowed into my relationships with my kids, my parenting, and my communications with them. There has been more lightness and laughter ….

And less stuff too!

The decluttering of my closet and room had felt like an intimidating task to me, but turned out to be such fun once I buckled down to it. So satisfying to have a more neatly organized closet, and it’s been easier to get dressed faster in the morning because it’s only the things that I will and do truly wear that are there – fewer (and yet more viable) options actually makes decision-making much simpler, which in turns saves mental and emotional energy.

Another satisfying thing was releasing remnants of the past me, letting go of things that no longer suited or served me or had never truly suited or served me, removing burdens or bonds that I had allowed to remain, in some cases not even aware of how I had held onto them or the energy cost of that … the sense of lightness  that came from this, so liberating!

I have regularly saged my office space at the end of day, and found it powerful as a way of clearing my mind and soul, and honoring the stories and emotions that have been shared there that day along with preparing the space for those to come. I thought – why not give myself and my family the same gift at home – cleansing, sanctifying the space, dedicating it to sacred peace? My kids aren’t necessarily fond of the sage smell, bless them … but nonetheless, to me, I feel that the air and energy and spirit in our home is lighter and cleaner. Practices that invite peace and cleansing are vital!

About the non-meat eating, I’m still learning what a holistically balanced vegetarian diet looks like, and what will best meet my body’s needs, but my body does feel happier energy so far! As well, I simply feel more in line with my own values, my sense of mindful, ethical living, which helps my spiritual well-being.

Finally, one of my guide-phrases for the year is ‘Energy follows attention; energy follows expression’. This is 2-fold. First, my thoughts and my attention affect my energy level and my mood, so when my thoughts and attention went down a rabbit hole, my energy followed! And when I directed myself out of the rabbit hole, my energy followed. Also, science-y tidbit here – our brains take cues about our emotions/moods from our facial expressions, so putting on a half-smile, even a tiny curve of the lips, sends feedback to our brains that can shift mood. I’ve found this practice helpful to shift or lift physical, mental, and emotional weariness. Remembering the phrase and its practices have been a key way to manage the overall energy of my communication and my presence.

All these practices have been nourishing and cleansing, and so yes, my own and my home’s energy feel more vital, lighter, and brighter!

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Preview:

March’s theme is …. Money/financial abundance (and so, so in time, too!).

2020 Guide-word: Integrity

Year of Abundance Project

Guide-word for year: INTEGRITY

Definition [personal] of word: Ability and act of staying in tune with the inner voice of my intuition and of Spirit, knowing and aligning with core values, discerning deeply what it means from moment to moment, choice to choice, to live attuned and to return to attunement whenever mistunement or misalignment is present and known. To be willing for the process of re-attuning, re-aligning, retuning, returning and returning.
Intuition, and intention, attuned and aligned with Spirit, anchored thus no matter the winds and waves and current of this sea of life.

I am the boat, life is the sea
Integrity makes me sea-worthy
boundaries me, sustains me
nurtures me, holds me

Exposition of fuller meaning of this integrity and its application in my daily living:

This integrity is about being true to the deepest truths of my body, mind, spirit, soul. It is about making a vow to be true and to live from the essence of my soul, a congruity between what matters most to me and what is for highest good for all with choices made and energy (spirit) shared.

This integrity is about attunement – to my physicality, my sexuality, my gender identity, my spirituality. Attunement in relationships with myself/Self, others [clients, friends, peers, colleagues, mentors, leaders, family, children, lover], and the Infinite Presence. Attunement on all levels – holistic attunement – physical (or material), emotional, psychological, intellectual, mental, social, relational, spiritual. Attunement with the created world, Creation, and Creator Presence.

Attunement to the way that my desires, perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, views, words, attitudes, actions, choices all intersect and interact with one another, the energy field this creates around me and the way my energy affects others, and where these elements are in alignment with innermost values as well as where they are not. Integrity is acting in the interests of attunement, which means listening to the voice that speaks from the deep stillness at the center of my being, my true Self. This is the voice speaking from Source into the center of my being and is my true voice – not the voice of ego but the voice of soul. If I know myself/Self, if I know this true voice and listen and respond to its direction and re-direction, herein is integrity, and in this integrity, liberty – living attuned and free.

Overarching Vow:  Preserve Presence. Be present with myself, with others, with Presence.

Note of explanation: This is the first installment of my Year of Abundance Project series! With this project, I also included other pieces such as 20 Guide-Phrases for 2020, vision/values and mission statements, etc. But the main part of the project involved choosing a theme to focus on each month, with a guiding intention and encouraging mantra as well as action steps for each theme. So, I will be sharing each month about that month’s focus, progress, and what I’m learning!

Thank you for coming along with me and sharing in abundance!