Tag: soul

exploring Embodiment and Justice: poems

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

It’s been a long quiet in this space, and it’s been a long year of seeking creative magic in whatever moment it might be waiting – a long year of feeling that in many ways, I was either too busy or too weary to be caught by the magic current. On one hand, I let go – or be – what I didn’t seem to have the energy for and made peace with what this season of life asked and allowed. But on the other, where writing was concerned – and particularly poetry – a seed of longing languished, like an ember who kept their light, for a space of time where no other call on my attention existed except creation. Unrushed, unweighted space to rest and play and be and see wonder deeply … and for wonder to flow freely through me in word form.

And I made space for just this a couple of weeks ago, when I went on a retreat to a tiny cabin in the woods by the Platte River. My hope there was to be able to focus deeply on a poem project I wanted to do to complete an Embodied Social Justice certificate program I engaged in, and rest from everything else. I had little idea before arriving of what these poems would look like, but trusted they would come to me – and come, they did, bless the muse and tree spirits!

I’ve decided to share them here, as in so many ways, they capture the essence of my journey and my inner/outer work over the last year so much better than I could express by any other means. But beyond that, these poems are also crafted to be like vessels for any reader to step into from where/who they are and feel themselves there, feel into themselves for the meaning present for them and their journeys. Read, enjoy, share anything that came up for you, if you wish!

 


Poetic Justice: An Exploration of Embodying Sexuality, Spirituality, and Environmental Justice

Beginning with Justice in my Body

I have stepped down  –
I must continue stepping down – from the throne
from the lofty place
where my self I ensconced, separate
thinking I dwelt in palaces
of spirit, Spirit essence
claiming
by self and flesh denying
Yet I dwelt disembodied
having abdicated my body
as my child self was taught was the holy thing
to do, as flesh and body, loving flesh and body,
they said earnestly,
kept human souls from knowing Truth
But this was a misunderstanding of a truth,
an unholy thing
for in so doing
I parted Soul from Body
and how could Spirit I know
in such a state –
with Creation how could I
commune? A soul denying
embodiment
or the pleasures of embodiment
is a soul out of harmony
with Creation
And where is the holiness of justice
for Body or Soul
without the soul being enfleshed
and the flesh being ensouled
And how can justice be poured out
in the world, except through Bodies
who are ensouled
and Souls who are embodied
How can justice be poured out
in the world, except through
Bodies that begin with justice
toward their own Bodies
in being present with all that is present
lived, experienced, sensed, felt, known
in the Body
these justiced Bodies move toward being
present with all that is
lived, experienced, sensed, felt, known
in the Bodies of all peoples
in the Body of Creation
in the sacredness of all Bodies,
the whole Body of Creation

*********************

Embodiment – as taught by the Feather

I saw the Feather and the Feather
saw me, I know it did
because I heard it speak
without words
that it knew me –
a voice silent but a voice
clear, said to me – not that it,
this Feather, was mine
but that it was a sign
a gift from Earth to me –
Her Beloved –
I knew without thought telling me
accepting this gift was accepting
connection
beyond connection –
wild wordless wholeness –
Communion
into a Sacred Body

******************

Embodiment – as taught by the Snail shell

In the hot white sand by the
River, a Snail shell called
to me by my true name
/Spirit of the linden/
in a voice that spoke in spirals
silent, whirled into a shell house
The Snail, absent –
sand in their stead
where is the body; where is Snail’s
body; where is Snail’s spirit?
Oh, here it is, in the whisper
of spirals, in the sand hot,
in the sunlight glittering on Water
as it ribbons by sandbars
dappled with Water’s ripple-prints
Here – Snail’s body is here
engraved in Earth, in sand and shell
embodied in Water
enspirited in Air
remembered by the Trees
Ah, Snail is here –
Snail never departed
even though their flesh
is not in this house
of shell and sand
They are home – embodied
everywhere

*******************

Embodiment – as taught by the Trees

I am home here –
the Trees know me
When I say I am
Home
I mean, Home in my Body
this soft-shell house of stardust
spirit-ashes and water
that has become bone and blood
muscle and mind
moving as one
Tree bodies rise from stardust
too – rooted in Earth and Water
with sap-blood flowing in their veins
Emanating sinuous waves of bioelectric energy
they are stillness in motion
movement embodied in stillness
Trees – birthed in the forest by the forest
know themselves; they are
Home in themselves
They know Earth, they know Air
they know Water, they know Fire
they know humans and they know me
They know their stardust
and this I know – though I could not
justify my knowing by any logic
of knowing other than Knowing
itself – the Trees here know
my stardust
And they tell me – in voices like shimmers,
shirring leaf-sighs
one Soul to another Soul
to be only who I am –
because as a Linden tree has only the blueprint
of a Linden tree imprinted
in its Soul, and not an Oak –
though noble be the Oak –
so imprinted in me is a living blueprint
(responsive, adaptive
to the touch of nature
and nurture)
that my Soul longs to express
through embodied experience
because my Body and Soul desire
and deserve such justice
Trees know – because they stand long
see far
that justice which moves
through and from the root
of the Soul of one
is an emergent, exigent justice
As Trees connect and share through their roots
to counsel, sustain, heal, and nourish one another
so is the justice that moves through
and from any one human Body
who is Home
in themselves and in Creation
to all Bodies
sustaining and nourishing
one another’s joy
carrying Healing to
the wounded Bodies and Souls
drawing all Home together
A justice rooted in joy
with liberation and Healing for everyOne
all Bodies, the whole Earth Body
is a sacred justice, is
Home, Beloved Home

**********************

 

Embodied sexuality, enfleshed spirituality

In the Forest –
I dance with the Trees
swaying sinuously (I feel it
whether it would seem such
to any observer) with the Wind
as they sway with the Wind
in the bark-skin
or smooth weathered wood-skin
they are in
Spirit in skin
skin meeting Air
Air knowing skin
skin clothed in sunlight
I dance
my Body light (Light)
Spirit-infused
I dance
because I am Home
This is my Yes
to my Body
to the present moment
to the movement as it arises
from muscle and mind and more
This is my Yes
to my Body
to my Joy in my Body
my Yes here
gives birth to my Yes
to the Sacredness of Life
everywhere, everywhen
everyOne
My Yes here –
to embodied Joy
to enfleshing Joy
brings my Soul
Home

my Yes here
is my Yes to walking
in the world
with my Soul in my Body
as Beloved
and all Creation as
Beloved
which opens the space
unfolds the Path of Heart
to living toward all
as sacred
inviting a whole justice

my Yes to my Body
becomes a Yes to justice
toward Earth and all Her children

*********************

Yes to Pleasure

Yes to my Body –
appreciating the wonders of my Body
all of it is wonder
wondrous
marvelously created and recreated every moment
wondrous
simply to take joy in the Air
as it slides smoothly, silkily
worshipping my skin
nothing between me and the Wind and the Light
but an unashamed knowing
I am Home, delightedly Home

*******************

The Sensuality of All Things

I am overcome with the sensuality
of all things
the naked splendor of Creation
look – how artfully Earth has clothed
Herself, in frothy fronds of vegetations
how the Trees have adorned themselves
with leaves or needles of all shapes and patterns
in lushly infinite shimmering shades of greens
blossoms, sweetly, seductively scented
Ah, River, swathed in layers of ribbons and ripples
bright bubbly buoyant currents
caressing sandbars and driftwood
/Tree fallen to River’s charms – sun-bleached
her long Body arching above the eddies
foamy lace skirts gathering along
her length, River draping herself over her lover’s bosom
and Tree’s hand outstretched, bearing a garland
– and a cross – sacrament, or
sacrifice, are you, my time-toppled queen –
Perhaps you are both –
you are yet living, nurturing life
in your belly turned toward the Sun
green growing there and at your feet/

I am overcome by the sensuality of the River,
the Tree embracing as she would any island
in her Body
I am overcome by the sensuality of the Tree
her wide weathered girth
warm between my legs
(for you see, of course I waded out to know her)
as I sit astraddle her middle
my palms on the wind-smoothed sun-whitened wood
– hmm, is this a faint pulse, a hum,
an Om,
I feel? The Tree still singing –
an ancient enduring rhythm
Or – is it only my wishful Heart
feeling the rhythm (its own rhythm?)
Or – is it River’s rhyme and rhythm thrumming through
into me, my blood and spirit responding
with its own Song
Whatever truth may be here
this truth seems alove –
this Tree still knows Creation
Creation still knows her –
still sings to her –
Om – you are, you are –
And so I rest here, intimately blessed
while River teases and tickles my toes
with bubbling, crooning current
And I –
overcome with the sensuality of all things
the boldly bespoken sensuality
in-dwelling in all Creation –
I am brought into communion
with this sacred sensuality
and into a knowing
that it burgeons ripely in my own soul
brimming over –
My Soul insisting on experiencing itself
an unbearable wholeness of Being
Body and Soul and Creation,
One

**************************

Abolish Industrialized Egocentrism: Return to Reverencing the Validity and Sacredness of all Creation
or
A NonSaviorist Healing Collaboration with Earth and Creation

(Adapted from a rough draft journal entry essay, and perhaps best refined in that form to hold more space for the personal story context of these reflections.)

“We save what we love; we cannot save what we do not love”
How can we ‘save the Earth’
without loving and caring for even the smallest of living creatures
caring deeply about the effect of our way of living on them
caring about the violence done in supposed ‘innocence’ and ignorance,
without seeing even the lives of ants, beetles, centipedes, spiders
and other tiny creeping and crawling and flying forms of life
as valid and sacred, as much or more than our bipedal beings
Is that not where it starts – the greening of our souls
the greening of Creation justice in our souls
begins by seeing and believing, beloving, as valid and sacred –
minute but not a mite minor –
the lives of all organisms, no matter how small, visible or not to the eyes
(but becoming visible to the eyes of the heart)
by knowing their lives, their existence, their ecosystems are connected
to us and our ways of living that do violence to them, do violence to us

In the notion that we can ‘save the Earth’
by our intentions or actions, in our will or strength
the ears of my heart have begun to hear
echoes of a saviorist, human-centered tone
And as I ponder these notions of saving – of being a savior
resemblance rises to notions of possessor, conqueror, ruler
Even with best intentions of doing good
it seems we humans so often still
(desire to)
put ourselves on the throne
of nature (Creation)

But what is most needful, what will save us, what will save Earth,
is to step down from the throne
to learn a reverent stewardship –
to re-learn this from the wise ones who have never forgotten
who have stayed close to the Earth and know Creation ways well
to repent and re-learn and return to our original closeness
the knowing and abundance abandoned in a rush to rule
rather than be in relationship with Earth and Creation
What is needful, what will save us, what will save Earth,
is stepping down from the throne
to take in and live a mindful humility
confronting humanity’s creation of an industrialized egocentrism
and examining our participation in it
and how a materialist, mechanized way of living
disturbs the peace of many living parts of Creation
doing violence and dealing death
while going about our everyday lives –
perhaps simply seeking to survive in an inequitable society
perhaps following social conditioning, attempting to fit in
or operate in the structures ordained and established
or maintain a home or make a living
to feed a family –
our participation in this paradigm perpetuates it
and perpetrates it on others
disturbing our own peace, griming our own souls

Stepping down from the throne
to touch the Earth again
opens the path forward
to walk with softer feet and humbler mind
heart and hands wiser in action
Learning how to mourn the violences done and how to repent
participating in, feeling, and beloving the sacredness of all living parts of Creation –
beloving ourselves and all peoples as sacred Creation –
knowing all Creation as living –
experiencing a heart-shift into the ‘greening of our self/our soul’ –
all needful to understand what it would mean to be in
harmonizing collaboration with Creation instead of discordant domination
We can learn, re-learn, to trust that when we do this,
when we step down from the throne we usurped
we are saving the Earth by trusting her to heal and save herself
We cannot be saviors of Creation; we can but become collaborators with Creation
with Earth, in the Healing
of our shared wounds
of our shared Web of life

May we awaken to this great Healing
May we embody it

Retreat reflections: Mindfulness vows to myself

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

I began 2019 with a silent retreat at a lovely, serene spiritual oasis in northeast Nebraska (St Benedict Center). It was a time of deeply mindful, sacred rest – exactly what my body and soul needed after a busy, intense, revolutionary year full of some pretty powerful learning and growing experiences! 

When I arrived, my soul felt it was home. I knew, my body and soul knew, here was a place of deep peace safe to rest and be – and all I had to do here was rest and be. Lay down burdens, step into another world, set aside the phone and the watch, re-connect to and follow the rhythms of nature and my own body. What a delight and relief!

For me, this retreat was like a spiritual pilgrimage, a journey within, to see what I could find and learn in the silence and to see what gifts and news silence would bring me. I came with some deep desires. What I hungered for was to find and learn what would help me live my purpose to be more present in my life and with others. What I thirsted for was to immerse myself in Presence and know deeper healing and wholeness.

After arriving and settling in, I thought, to find what I’m seeking I need to set intention(s) that will give me clear direction. Oh, yes, I sought space for my soul to wander free … but I also didn’t want my mind to wander lost either!

I sat in the solarium that first afternoon with pen and notebook, surrounded by books and light and spacious quiet, soaking in the peaceful ambience, a still quiet at ease with itself. I reflected on how I could act with deliberate intention in physical and spiritual ways to support and deepen my purpose and practice of presence, to embody mindfulness.

In this quietness, these words came to be my guide and companion on my retreat journey. And they’ve stayed! I decided they weren’t just retreat vows, but life vows. I printed out and framed a copy I keep in my bedroom, and another I put on my desk in my (new!) office space, to keep my purpose ever before my eyes, engraved on my mind, nurtured in my heart, informing my words and my work, flourishing in my whole being.

There were many rich lessons, wild and precious moments of pure joy and aliveness, profound healing experiences, and other gifts I’d love to share down the road perhaps (some feel like they are only meant to be told in how I live but the ones meant to be told here will tell me, I’m sure!). But for now, just this seems enough and more:

Guiding Mindfulness Vows

(My Vows to myself on my Retreat and for Life)

When I walk, I will walk
When I sit, I will sit
When I eat, I will eat
When I write, I will write
When I read, I will read
When I rest, I will rest
When I listen, I will listen
When I observe, I will observe

When I look, I will look deeply
            into myself
            into what is present

When a feeling arises, I will feel it as it is
            and then set it free
            chaining to it no story

I will be with my body
                       my heart
                       my mind
                       my soul

When I notice myself in distraction  
          I will redirect myself with a gentle grace
When I notice myself in rumination and self-recrimination
            I will give thanks for my awareness and
            return my body and mind to the one act
                        of presence

            of walking
            of sitting
            of eating
            of writing
            of reading
            of resting
            of listening
            of observing

Above all and in all
            of experiencing this moment
           of being and inter-being

With my presence, I will be present
With Presence, I will be present

Sacred time, sacred friendships

/ Lanae / Leave a comment Featured

Recently, I read a book called Sacred Time, and the search for Meaning, about time, our seeking and longing for sacred time. Sacred time as time that’s different than clock time … time measured in the depth of timeless meaning contained within it, time that is not-time, time that is like the Eternal Now. Or, as it’s sometimes called, Kairos, God’s time … Sacred Time.

The more rushed we are, the more we seek this time, we seek ways to carve out this time in the midst of all the rush and stress and busyness and expectations of modern life.  Sacred time, Sabbath time … timeless time.

Technology and social media were perhaps supposed to grant us this time, this liberty of time, and yet seem to have instead robbed us … robbed us of sacred time, robbed us of connection, connection to rest, to stillness, to one another …

Leaving us with a longing and craving for this sacred time.

And I realized, I long for it, too, and something more – and maybe I’m not the only one!

I desire deeply to have sacred time IN my friendships.

Sacred friendship time – time that’s timeless, time not measured by the clock, not scheduled, but spacious, with the liberty to be. Friendship time where time is forgotten, where it’s not the master (or mistress), where watches and planners and phones are set aside, and we just ARE … We just are there, we just are who we are, hearts and souls in sacred time together, in sacred conversation and connection.

I know our modern world doesn’t exactly allow this … but what if it did? What if we together remade it to allow this?

What if we defied the rush and press of clock time and created such sacred spaces in our own lives?! What boundless abundance might we discover?

I think there’s as much a seeking and a longing for sacred friendships as there is for sacred time. Only, I suspect many aren’t deeply or keenly aware of a need, or of a lack, and perhaps seek either to ignore it or to fill it in other ways, with work or other activities, things that are needful, valuable, beautiful in themselves …

Yet, are those things as fruitful as they could be if they fill available time at the expense of nurturing sacred friendships, soul connections? Are they as fruitful for the individual soul or the soul of the community, the world?

Is life itself as rich and fruitful and meaningful without the presence of sacred friendships, soul connections, soul friends?

I don’t think so. Not for me, anyway!

Maybe it’s harder to nurture those sacred friendships, to find those soul friends, when sacred time itself is so hard to find … but maybe the secret for finding both is to become still, to become very present in your life, and allow yourself to be found by them!

So, what is a sacred friendship? A soul friend? What do those concepts, truths, mean to you?

Here’s how I know sacred friendship:

It invites and cultivates a strong spiritual connection. It’s a spiritually intimate friendship, where deeper things can be shared: ideas, emotions, fears, needs, wounds – not just at mind-depth, not just at heart-depth, but also at soul-depth.

A friendship where deep vulnerability and transparency are present …  where each of you is safe to be deeply vulnerable and transparent with one another. Where there’s safety because each of you loves the soul, and the heart, of the other …

A friendship where not just the social and emotional needs are met, but also the soul needs.

You are friends with each other’s souls …

In the Celtic tradition, Anam Cara is the term for soul friend … some lovely, powerful things have been said about what Anam Cara means:

A soul friend is one who walks with and supports the soul of another human being.

Or, as John O’Donohue writes:

The Anam Cara was a person to whom you could reveal the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging.  [It] cuts across all convention and category.

And:

In everyone’s life, there is great need for an Anam cara, a soul friend. In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of acquaintance fall away. You can be as you truly are …

Such a rich, restorative sacredness in that sort of relationship! Such a safeness, a spacious safeness, perhaps not for the ego, but certainly for the soul.

I think there’s a longing for such meaningful friendships within many of us … yet also perhaps a fear.

Because it means vulnerability and authenticity, a realness and an honesty … an intimacy that perhaps seems too deep, or too intense.

Yet, it’s not an intimacy that needs to feel frightening … or be consuming. It can be, should be, an intimacy that’s comforting, spacious, expansive, generous …  an expansive closeness, full of grace and space. As the poet Khalil Gibran said – Let there be spaces in your togetherness …

Spaces of stillness or physical apartness…

But perhaps the first soul friend you need to seek and find is yourself, to befriend your own soul. Because you are never truly apart from yourself … wherever you go, there you are!

Learn how to be with yourself in stillness. And in the stillness, awaken to know and love your own soul …

And then, you are awakened to the sacredness in your relationships … and your soul friends find you! And you can love yourself, and your neighbor as yourself.

Oh, I am so grateful for soul friends I’ve had in my life … who have held a mirror up to me, so I could see my soul reflected there.

Who have loved me as I am, and have encouraged me to live in truth and love …

Who have explored deep places with me, and have taught me precious, wise things …

Who have seen my darkness and walked with me in it, and have been the flame that kept my candle lit …

Who have not been afraid to speak the truth, even hard things, in love, and yet have known when to keep silence in love …

Who have known how to hold space and when to give space.

My soul gives thanks for you!

********************************************************

Oh my friends, may you all be blessed and bless yourselves with sacred time, sacred friendships … your souls and lives nurtured and nourished through spacious and gracious relationship!

 

 

 

Finding my voice, becoming my voice

/ Lanae / Leave a comment

I can’t, I won’t, hide behind silence anymore …

I’ve been finding my voice and learning to speak my truth, to speak truth with as much love and grace as I can. To live truthfully, with as much peace and grace and belovedness as I can – one of my deepest purposes.

However, a realization about finding and expressing my authentic voice arose during my most recent yoga teacher training weekend.

As often happens, the  physical movements of yoga reveal where there’s emotional distress or spiritual need, by how those things are reflected in the body. Certain poses can bring deep things to the surface, shine insight into some source of pain or struggle …

Poses in yoga are often meant to open an area of the body, to release tension or blocked energy or emotion associated with the tension. On several occasions, we held poses intended to open the throat area, with the head lifted up, the throat exposed. Instead of feeling openness, I still felt constriction, a lumpy tightness in my throat. I noticed and I wondered, with a sense of compassionate curiosity, why is that there?

The throat area is connected to voice, to self-expression, to being able to speak with liberty and with authenticity. Voice and self-expression means more than words, writing and speaking. It means also spirit, actions, choices made and opportunities taken, living fully and wholly, not closed but wide open to possibility and opportunity, to risk and growth …

… and so the closed, constricted feeling showed me that I’m still struggling to find clarity and to let go of inhibition and constriction in my self-expression, my soul-expression. That somehow, I was feeling stifled … or was stifling myself. But why, and how?

This message struck softly but deeply:

When I choose to constrain or confine my true voice, my silence is like a sacrifice … sacrificing my voice, sacrificing my truth.

Sometimes, silence is a right sacrifice … the kind that spares others in love, or in love recognizes that this is the time for other voices to be lifted up, to be heard. But that’s a silence that comes from stillness, a letting go of the ego-voice. An active silence, one that listens and loves and stands in solidarity and unity.

Sometimes, silence is a sacrifice made in fear, in pride … like an act of self-oppression, conscious or unconscious. Not a silence emerging from centered stillness, but from an unquiet ego or restive heart.

Then, the understanding sounded in my mind like a mindfulness bell:

I’m seeking to find my voice, yet still sacrificing or stifling it … still choosing silence or inaction in moments of opportunity, choosing self-oppression instead of self-expression, soul-expression.

Because I still wonder sometimes, who wants to hear my voice … who will hear it? And will people hear integrity, truthfulness, and belovedness in my voice? And will they hear them not just in my words, but see them in my soul … will they see and hear my soul in my voice?

And so the questions, because I feel uncertain of the answers, cause me to silence or stifle my voice. Sometimes, that’s good and right; sometimes, not.

Yoga, its movements and meditation, are helping me become more deeply aware of spiritual, mental, emotional ways in which I still silence or stifle myself, because it’s been a long-standing pattern of being.  Because it’s been routine to question and to silence my voice …

And because I still have attachments to old self-images, self-concepts, self-judgments …

Such as the notion that I’m not good at teaching, not meant to be a teacher! A writer or a speaker, yes. A counselor, perhaps. But a teacher … me?!

And yet, here I am in a yoga teacher training class! Why was I led to be there? Clearly because I needed to learn how to be a teacher … that I can be a teacher … that I am already a teacher. So that I could discover and honor my voice as a teacher … and find a richer, more authentic, wholly alive voice as a writer, speaker, counselor, parent, human and spiritual being, too!

So that I could see the ways in which I have still kept myself bound by fears, doubts, unbelief … and let those bonds unfurl, fall away. Explore the possibility that some, or many, of my ideas about myself and my truth and my potential have been limiting or not even accurate! See how they’ve constricted my voice, my soul-expression …

Let go of those self-limiting, soul-limiting, ideas, beliefs, choices … one way to find my voice. One way for you to find your voice!

Let go … and become more aware of the voice that is already there. Set it free! Let go of fear, doubt, shame … let the voice that is in the soul flow forth. Set it free!

But perhaps the deepest, truest thing I have learned, is that it’s less about finding my voice … and more about becoming and being my voice. About knowing my soul. Hearing its beautiful, true voice. Speaking, living, being that voice, in whatever I am or do .. or teach!